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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four ASEAN countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four ASEAN countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who stay in four
countries
Use synonyms
 in Southeast
Asian
Correct your spelling
Asia
show examples
 between 1970 and 2020
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the prediction
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 twenty years later.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 with the highest
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and the lowest
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Thailand
Use synonyms
. In 1970,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 was
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 with the highest population that stood at above 30% followed by
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
, and Indonesia in 30%, 19%, and 15% each. Afterward, the three
countries
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 a gradual rise
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 to 2010.
In Contrast
Linking Words
,
Population
Correct article usage
the Population
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the philippines
show examples
philippines
Change the capitalization
Philippines
show examples
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 10%
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2000 and 2010 which earlier rose to approximately 50%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, In 2020 the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
was reach
Change the verb form
reached
show examples
up to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 75% which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was the highest
number
Use synonyms
 among
4
Correct article usage
the 4
show examples
ASEAN
countries
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
Thailand
Use synonyms
becoming
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country with the lowest
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below 30%. Meanwhile, In the decent
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of people will continue to grow
while
Linking Words
 in 2030 and 2040
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 will lead by around 80%,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 is the highest prediction of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in 4 ASEAN
countries
Use synonyms
, and Indonesia will become the second country by almost 60%
while
Linking Words
 Philippines and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 in below 50%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, countries, malaysia, thailand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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