IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#doubt #globalisation #world #people #business #nations #criticise #progress
Globalization is bound to happen to every
countries
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country
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 who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 cooperations with other nations in any
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
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.
As a result
, there are things that follow, might they be the
benefits
 or the downsides to them, that should be considered for the future of a nation.  When looking at the
benefits
, there are many aspects that we can look for, especially in the business area. One definite example is the countless
of
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apply
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new job markets. When there is a business trade happening between nations, especially if the result is something
such
 as opening a new branch store, it is expected that there will be a significant need
of
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for
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 domestic labour for running the store, etc. Competition will bound to happen
following
this
 situation,
however
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however,
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this
 is beneficial to a
country
 as it means that there is an
improve
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improvement
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on
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in
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 progressing the labour state.
While
 the
benefits
 are clearly for
the
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apply
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increasing the living standards of the
citizen
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citizens
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, there are
also
 some people who are still resisting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalisation. Other than exchanging ideas in business and other studies, globalisation
also
have
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has
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 a huge impact on
development
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the development
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 of a culture. Protecting
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 culture of a
country
 might seem unimportant for some.
However
, if we are talking about
specific
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the specific
a specific
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country
such
 as Indonesia, where there are many traditional customs that are still going on, there are many societies
who
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that
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 will protect it extremely.  Considering both the
benefits
 and the drawbacks, I believe it is supposedly better for a
country
 to define
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 boundaries of accepting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalisation. Some aspects
such
 as
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
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 and morale of a
country
 should be held high as it is the identity that should be kept on and respected amongst the nations.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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grammar
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are difficult to read due to errors or awkward phrasing. For example, 'there are things that follow, might they be the benefits or the downsides to them' could be rephrased for clarity.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that succinctly presents the main idea. This can help improve coherence and make your essay more logically structured.
examples
Expand on examples to provide more specific details and emphasize how they support your main points. This will strengthen the argument and make your essay more persuasive.
content
You have addressed both benefits and drawbacks of globalization, showing a balanced argument which is important in IELTS essays.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and align well with the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
content
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, and you've made an effort to discuss both sides of the issue, which is essential.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: