Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause?What are the solutions?
In recent years,
people
especially elderly
struggle to compete with younger Correct article usage
the elderly
people
for the same job
positions. In this
essay, I will examine the key factors behind this
rising trend and propose some ways to address this
.
There are basically two main factors that contribute toward
Change preposition
to
employment
system. One major issue is the limited range of age Correct article usage
the employment
requirement
in several Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
job
vacancies. Sometimes, there are some people
who think about getting into new
industry later, as some of them are trapped in their former company. Correct article usage
a new
However
, some of the job
opportunities is
limiting the age for future Change the verb form
are
candidate
, Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
for
instance
as a Add a comma
instance,
cilvil
servant, they have to work Correct your spelling
civil
fulltime
which actually they could not easily resign in the middle of their duty. Correct your spelling
full-time
Therefore
this
requirement actually could make
Verb problem
cause
elderly
to have unequal freedom and opportunity. Correct article usage
the elderly
Furthermore
, in the vast technologival
advancements, companies demand their workers in intense Correct your spelling
technological
environment
and require them Fix the agreement mistake
environments
adapt
Add the particle
to adapt
with
current technology development and innovation. As employers need to leverage their Change preposition
to
softskills
, companies just give the offer Correct your spelling
skills
for
younger generations, since they have better exposure Change preposition
to
in
Change preposition
to
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
trend
knowledge.
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
Nevertheless
, I believe that this
trend could be tackled by several adjustments. Firstly
, older people
can enhance their personal specialization into
Change preposition
to
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
level
, Change the noun form
levels
such
as join
some practical training or Wrong verb form
joining
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursuing
higher
degree, since numerous Add an article
a higher
of
vacancies are required Change preposition
apply
people
who have better Change preposition
for people
experiences
and Fix the agreement mistake
experience
knowledges
. Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
Moreover
, since older people
had gain
their leadership and Wrong verb form
have gained
entrepreuneurial
skills, they could Correct your spelling
entrepreneurial
running
their own Change the verb form
run
be running
business
, so they can have more leisure time and freedom Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
creating
their ownself company.
In conclusion, it is quite unfair when Change the verb form
to create
people
do not have the same opportunity to get the job
that they want. While
some employers are requiring
younger Wrong verb form
require
age
since they have Fix the agreement mistake
ages
better
exposure Add an article
a better
in
Change preposition
to
the
technology advancement, Correct article usage
apply
this
can be note
for Change the verb form
be noted
elderly
to always improve their personal development and it will be better for them to Correct article usage
the elderly
running
their own company, so they can open wider Wrong verb form
run
job
vacancies.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems and proposing solutions, though more specific examples would strengthen the argument. Aim to provide concrete examples or case studies to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, there are occasional coherence issues and awkward phraseology that can obscure the author's points. Work on clearer transitions and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which help guide the reader. However, the introduction could be more explicit about the specific problems and solutions that will be discussed. This would make the essay's structure clearer from the start.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly attempts to address both parts of the prompt: the problems older people face in employment and the possible solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion help frame the essay, providing a starting point and a wrap-up.
Task Achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the necessity to continuously improve and adapt, highlighting lifelong learning as a solution.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
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