IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educators #child #instrument
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In recent years, in many schools, musical instruments have been compulsory subjects. Personally, I completely agree with the tremendous boons of
this
lessons
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lesson
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; there are two major reasons and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will
be illustrates
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be illustrated
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 in the following paragraph: First and foremost, music instrument curriculums improve children’s health. In the physical, music tools enhance
Correct article usage
the lung’s
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lung’s
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lung
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 capacity that
affect
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affects
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efficiency
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the efficiency
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 of
respiratory
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the respiratory
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 and circulatory systems.
For instance
, when students play
oboe
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the oboe
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, they need to blow the wind to produce the desired sounds.
As a result
, the lung is exercised and the body system sufficiently gains oxygen and blood flow–leading to healthier.
Moreover
, it eliminates the risk of attention disorder. When students enjoy playing the music equipment
that
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it
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 develops their concentration to be capable of taking something
in
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for
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 a long time. It provides foster attention to children and improves their performance in other classes.
Second,
musical subjects encourage soft
skills
to
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in
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 the younger generation to be transferable in their life. When children play the song, they need to do various tasks at the same time.
For example
, students need to use their hands and legs in different ways to play the drums
that
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which
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enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their
multitask
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multitasking
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skills
 and they can apply
to employ
Verb problem
them
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 when they study;
in addition
, many musical instruments will be more fun if played with a group. To be successful, the youngsters need to communicate with teams which leads to developing their discussion
skills
. As I mentioned, there are plenty of advantages provided by the musical instruments classes. Especially, improve youngster’s health and encourage life
skills
.
Thus
, schools should contain
this
 curriculum to require
class
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classes
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.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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coherence cohesion
Revise for small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity.
task achievement
Ensure every argument is supported with strong, relevant examples to add depth to your points.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents clear arguments.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Solid use of specific points to support arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educators
  • taught
  • play a musical instrument
  • benefits
  • cognitive skills
  • academic performance
  • physical coordination
  • motor skills
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • express themselves
  • self-confidence
  • stress relief
  • relaxation
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • inclusivity
  • equal access
  • arts education
  • practical challenges
  • implementing
  • universal
  • balance
  • mandatory
  • academic subjects
What to do next:
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