IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #television #education #entertainment
Some would argue that
television
it’s
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 in
education
,
while
 others believe
it’s
 just for having
fun
.
Although
television
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 movies and shows for entertainment. I believe that
television
 can be useful for
education
, as
there’s
Wrong verb form
there are
show examples
 a
lot
 of
programs
 that
interesting
Add a missing verb
are interesting
show examples
 for
children
 and
also
 adults and develop their information. On the one hand, many people claim that
television
 is only for entertainment, as
it’s
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
time
. Many
children
 and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
adults
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a
lot
 of
time
 watching
television
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
movies and
programs
 that
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
 for
fun
, and that may bring a
lot
 of negative results, as they
set
Add a missing verb
are set
show examples
 in
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
place for a long
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
, it may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their eyes and
have
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 problems in their body and
also
 it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 negatively in their studies and get a bad degree.
For example
, a
lot
 of
children
 in schools
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a
lot
 of
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
 for
fun
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
However
, I support that
television
 may
bring
Verb problem
be
show examples
fun
 for
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 but
it’s
also
 can be useful for
education
.
On the other hand
,
television
 can be useful for
education
 and help both
children
 and adults to improve their information and
also
 their language. If
children
 start
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
a competition
Correct the article-noun agreement
competition programs
a competition program
show examples
programs
 it will develop their knowledge, and
also
 watching
programs
 and movies in another language
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help them
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
, when I was young, I watched a
lot
 of Russian series, and one day I
listen
Wrong verb form
listened
show examples
 to
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
conversaion
Correct your spelling
conversations
 in Russian and I was surprised that I
understand
Wrong verb form
understood
show examples
 it all.
For
this
 reason, I believe that
television
 can be useful for
education
. In conclusion,
although
television
 can
used
Add a missing verb
be used
show examples
 for entertainment and have a good
time
. I claim that it can be helpful for
education
 as
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 may improve the knowledge and can help them to learn new things.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt well, discussing both views regarding television's role in education and entertainment. However, to achieve a higher score, more specific examples and a more in-depth analysis of both arguments would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally maintains coherence and cohesion with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Improving logical flow and refining paragraph transitions would enhance the readability of the essay.
language
Ensure grammatical accuracy and avoid repetitive sentence structures. Attention to punctuation and sentence variety will make the essay more engaging and clear.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing both views and providing the writer's opinion.
supported main points
Relevant points are mentioned about how television can affect children and adults both positively and negatively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • informative documentaries
  • interactive learning
  • entertaining content
  • reality shows
  • cartoons
  • intellectual development
  • parental guidance
  • screen time
  • creative thinking
  • educational potential
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