The bar graph below represents the data about the clubs joined by the people of two different age groups at a leisure center. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Club preferences by age range

#bar #data #clubs #people #two #age #groups #leisure #center #summaries #information #features #comparisons #club #preferences #range

The

given

Verb problem

apply

show examples

bar chart shows the number of

people

who spend their leisure time

Change preposition

show examples

six different activities divided by two different age groups.

Overall

, it

clearly seen

Add the auxiliary verb

is clearly seen

show examples

that younger

people

tend to spend more of their leisure time in a variety of activities.

While

the older

people

are not investing their time as much. In terms of the most popular activity, it is apparent that

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

generation

enjoy

Change the verb form

enjoys

show examples

cycling the most and gardening

as well as

fitness which has the same amount for the older at about 65 and 55 members respectively.

In contrast

, older

people

have the least members when it comes to cycling which only

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

person

Change to a plural noun

people

show examples

in total.

Additionally

, Photograph has

relatively

Add an article

a relatively

show examples

fair number of both young and old communities with 45

people

join

Wrong verb form

joining

show examples

the same club.

Submitted by Practicexoxo on Tue Sep 10 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

132 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Children brought up in families with less money are better prepared for life than those from wealthy families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?