IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The bar graph below represents the data about the clubs joined by the people of two different age groups at a leisure center. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Club preferences by age range

The bar graph below represents the data about the clubs joined by the people of two different age groups at a leisure center. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Club preferences by age range
#bar #data #clubs #people #two #age #groups #leisure #center #summaries #information #features #comparisons #club #preferences #range
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart shows the number of
people
 who spend their leisure time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 six different activities divided by two different age groups.
Overall
, it
clearly seen
Add the auxiliary verb
is clearly seen
show examples
 that younger
people
 tend to spend more of their leisure time in a variety of activities.
While
 the older
people
 are not investing their time as much. In terms of the most popular activity, it is apparent that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation
enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoys
show examples
 cycling the most and gardening
as well as
 fitness which has the same amount for the older at about 65 and 55 members respectively.
In contrast
, older
people
 have the least members when it comes to cycling which only
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 10
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 in total.
Additionally
, Photograph has
relatively
Add an article
a relatively
show examples
 fair number of both young and old communities with 45
people
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 the same club.
Submitted by Practicexoxo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: