IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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Science
Use synonyms
 has to work primarily to enhance the quality of
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
lives
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. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement about the importance of
people
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's
lives
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 in
science
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide several reasons to support
this
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 argument.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, throughout
history
Add a comma
history,
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science
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 has made significant achievements; so to continue
this
Linking Words
 trend,
science
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 has to focus more on bringing more into the
lives
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 of
people
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. In the past, many diseases had been cured by the progression of
science
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to find solutions for some unsolved health issues
such
Linking Words
 as cancer or diabetes. Currently, there are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
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research under development for providing solutions for
such
Linking Words
 diseases that pose a threat to many individuals.
Consequently
Linking Words
, scientific advancements are fundamental for finding diagnoses for several illnesses in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
science
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 is universal and every
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 involved
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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benefits
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 its positive outcomes as a human, so in order to make the world more practical and happier, substantial scientific is indeed necessary.
This
Linking Words
 is because
science
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 removes vitally many struggles that result from knowing less about how the systems of nature work. So, with fewer challenges, humanity will accomplish a happier sense of feeling.
For instance
Linking Words
, younger generations who have smartphones can access information and communicate practically, but
this
Linking Words
 situation
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 really tough for older generations .
Thus
Linking Words
,
science
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 is essential to establish a happier lifestyle. In conclusion, I strongly agree that
science
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 should focus mainly on making live better the
lives
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 of
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 is profound to find a resolution for many health issues in the future,
as well as
Linking Words
, cancer. Through the advantageous contributions of
science
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 to society,
people
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 will be satisfied more which should be the crucial goal for
science
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.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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grammar
Address the minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing to improve the overall clarity of your essay. This includes correcting phrases like "bringing more into the lives of people" to "bringing more benefits to people's lives."
examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, detailing specific scientific advancements or mentioning certain research studies would make your points more compelling.
depth
Try to elaborate on your main points a bit more to add depth to the essay. This will ensure your arguments are well-rounded and fully developed.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. You effectively present your main argument at the beginning and summarize it at the end.
response
The essay addresses the given prompt thoroughly, discussing how science improves people's lives by solving health issues and making daily activities more practical and enjoyable.
cohesion
You use appropriate linking words to connect ideas which enhances the readability of the essay. Words like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' indicate clear sequencing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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