IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spent most of the time indoors and have little exposure to the nature. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? Give reasons of your answers and give relevant example of your experience.

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It is apodictic that understanding and appreciating
nature
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 is crucial for
childen's
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children's
hoslistic
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holistic
 development.
However
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, nowadays most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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youngsters tend to play video games or surf
while
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 staying at home rather than doing outdoor activities. They should spend their time exploring their horizons, imagination and sociality. To commence with, it is common to find
adolscents
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adolescents
 sitting in front of screens and doing indoor activities like playing video games using social media etc.
This
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 tendency is impacting them negatively. They
became
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become
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 addicted to
live
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living
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 in a virtual world, which makes them unhealthy by causing problems like obesity and low vision of eyes.
Besides
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 that, screens make them irritable humans and far from real life.
For example
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; in
Japan
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Japan,
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 85% of children are wasting their precious time just sitting at home using gadgets.
As a result
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, they do not have interests or
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 to care for the environment. To make them aware, the authorities are trying to attract them towards new theme parks in order to make them appreciate
nature
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. When It comes to
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the affects
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affects
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effects
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 that
nature
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 brings
for
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to
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 adults, they can get a great amount of energy which helps in their mental and emotional well-being as
nature
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 has a calming effect and
known
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is known
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 to reduce
the
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apply
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stress.
Besides
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 that, being in
nature
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 sparks creativity and imagination in children; it provides them with a sensory-rich environment that stimulates cognitive growth and problem-solving skills.
Moreover
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,
nature
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 exposure can improve educational outcomes as outdoor experiences can make subjects like biology, geography and environmental science more tangible and engaging.
Thus
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, it is essential to add
such
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 subjects
into
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to
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curriculum
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the curriculum
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, so that; the pupils can learn the importance of
nature
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.
To conclude
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, natural awareness among children is very crucial which can be rendered when they spend more time doing outdoor activities as it is beneficial for them as they tend to be more physically active, which reduces the risk of
health related
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health-related
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 issues and
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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 as well.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph follows a clear and coherent sequence of ideas. For example, start with a topic sentence, elaborate on it, and provide examples or evidence before closing the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement. This will prevent the essay from feeling repetitive or monotonous.
task achievement
Reduce the use of informal or conversational language. Instead, opt for more formal academic expressions, which are suitable for an IELTS essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and diverse examples to support each point. This could include hypothetical scenarios, statistics, or personal anecdotes. It helps to strengthen each argument and makes the essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a complete response by discussing both the impact of modern indoor activities and the importance of nature on children.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • mental and emotional well-being
  • calming effect
  • reduce stress
  • sense of responsibility
  • conservation
  • protecting the environment
  • physically active
  • obesity
  • related health issues
  • sparks creativity
  • sensory-rich environment
  • cognitive growth
  • problem-solving skills
  • educational outcomes
  • outdoor learning experiences
  • tangible and engaging
  • appreciation of nature
  • environmental awareness
  • natural world
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