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Band 2.5

Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T.V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T.V shows. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #adults #exercise #sports #events #v #olympic #games #football #world #cup #practice #exercises
there is no doubt that people may believe that exercise and sports that
shown
Add a missing verb
are shown
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the TV by the Olympic Games and Football
World
 Cup
encarge
Correct your spelling
encourage
enlarge
 them to do sport.
Initially
, We all know the major effect of
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 on the
globle
Correct your spelling
globe
global
,despite the fact of
haveing
Correct your spelling
having
show examples
 a
world
 event sports it
certinaly
Correct your spelling
certainly
effecting
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 and
motivating
Wrong verb form
motivates
show examples
 reason to make the aduits
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
 about sports . personally, I think TV and
world
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most effective,
Also
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 other ways to encourage
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 to practice
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 like giving a
motive
Replace the word
motivational
show examples
 speech in the mall or a public place as
eater
Add an article
an eater
show examples
 or resturante or giving them a
disscount
Correct your spelling
discount
 in the gym or the sport clup.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 people in
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
 encourage each other to go together as a group is a fun way to practice exercises other than
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 shows for sure .
to sum up
 , each way is very simple to motivate ,But the most effective way is the
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 shows
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 people are different some of them
dosent
Correct your spelling
don't
 even watch
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
,So they
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
show examples
been encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 by the Olympic Games and Football
World
 Cup or
other event
Change the wording
another event
other events
show examples
.
Submitted by thoraya0506 on

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coherence cohesion
You should work on structuring your essay more clearly. Do not just mention ideas; make sure you explain them thoroughly with logical flow.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are well-developed. For instance, elaborate on how TV shows motiviate adults and list specific examples. Break your points into separate paragraphs to help the reader follow your arguments better.
task achievement
You have addressed both of the viewpoints, which is a good start for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
It’s good that you have a conclusion that summarizes your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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