All the people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same numbers of vacations in a year.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Vacations
and paid leaves are regarded as basic rights among
employees
and employers in most
companies
in the world.
While
the
amount
of
vacations
one could obtain in a year varies between roles and positions, more
people
are demanding equal days of holiday between all of their working colleagues in the same firm. Based on the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
, the paper will evaluate the
benefits
and
weakneses
Correct your spelling
weaknesses
of having
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
count of
holidays
, and provide opinions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
balance.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
a cooperate management perspective,
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of paid leave is approved based on several factors
such
as service demand, levels of positions and contributions to the company. Within the regulation of DHL, the global shipping tycoon, more
holidays
were given to the
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
managers who
work
in the headquarters than the
causal
Correct your spelling
casual
show examples
frontline
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
working to cater
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
intense demand of shipping and delivery.
Such
differences demonstrated that
amount
of
vacations
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
considerend
Correct your spelling
considered
and provided based on the needs and interests of a company,
as well as
the stake an employee
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
show examples
in the workplace.
Furthermore
, it is common that more
holidays
were given to
employees
with special circumstances. In countries in Northern Europe, laws and regulations were enforced to enable
people
like women with newborn babies, or
employees
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
from mental illness to have paid leave longer than normal allocation. With a long
vacation
of 3 to 6 months,
employees
are ensured
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
ablities
Correct your spelling
ability
to mitigate hardships in their lives, and be recharged to contribute their full potential once
returned
Wrong verb form
return
show examples
to
work
.
While
there are countless
benefits
and
justification
Fix the agreement mistake
justifications
show examples
to the existing policies of
vacation
allocation. Many
people
are strived
Change to the active voice
strive
have strived
show examples
to demand
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
equal treatment in holiday allocations. In 2010, the Bus Driver Union in
Chigago
Correct your spelling
Chicago
organised a strike demanding an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
paid leave, with a meaningful debate of "
vacation
equality" raised in the city. Scientifically speaking, it is essential for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
to sleep for six to eight hours a day to allow the body to rest and recharge with no exception. Respectively,
vacation
is a vital
opporturnity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
for
people
to restore their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, connect to friends and fundamentally take a break from
work
. If the days of
vacations
Fix the agreement mistake
vacation
show examples
of some
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
is significantly less
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
their colleagues, it is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
logic
Replace the word
logical
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this worker
these workers
show examples
worker
will have a higher chance of burnout. Despite chasing for equality
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
a heroic idealogy, the debate above demonstrated that it is not necessary for every
worker
to obtain the exact
amount
of
holidays
, but most importantly we should ask whether everyone in the company
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a reasonable
amount
of
holidays
enough to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their life and wellbeing needs. By doing so, management from many
companies
maintianed
Correct your spelling
maintained
maintain
sufficient frequency with workers, union members and other stakeholders within the firm to ensure welfare and
benefits
are provided and adjusted within the needs and interests of all parties, which enables
employees
are
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enough time for
vacations
to sustain a good
work
-life balance. All in all,
companies
should be objective on
vacation
allocation based on needs and the welfare of each
employees
Change to a singular noun
employee
show examples
instead
of radically
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
the
dabate
Correct your spelling
debate
by giving all
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
the exact same
amount
of
holidays
and
benefits
. To enrich the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of different
employees
,
Correct article usage
the managemet
show examples
managemet
Correct your spelling
management
of
companies
should maintain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
regular and reachable communication with workers
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
different levels, and have thorough consideration in circumstances when more
vacation
is demanded.
Submitted by 788seal on

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task response
You have provided a comprehensive response to the prompt, and your ideas are clear and well-developed. However, ensure your paragraphs remain strictly relevant to the main points you intend to make.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, and the introduction and conclusion are clear. Nevertheless, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance readability.
task response
Some points could be further supported with more specific examples or references to studies or statistics that fortify your argument.
task response
You've given a complete response to the task, addressing both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame and summarize your discussion.
task response
You’ve used relevant examples to illustrate your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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