IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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People
Use synonyms
bring
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 most of their day
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
;
therefore
Linking Words
, the organisation where
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 is very crucial.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, they can learn different aspects.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 can feel safe in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 environment.
While
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 think that working in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
companies
Use synonyms
 is better, others believe that employees can
work
Use synonyms
 in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 place all their corporate life. I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 ought to change their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Majority
Add an article
The majority
A majority
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 believe that working in different organisations is better;
thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their horizons and decide what they want. Working in different
companies
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to see different working areas.
In other words
Linking Words
, employees can experience new
company
Use synonyms
 cultures and different
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
.
This
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 way, they can learn better and
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their horizons. To better exemplify, the research conducted by Oxford University
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 have better know-how compared to workers who stay in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 palace.
In addition
Linking Words
, they can decide about their career easily when they
work
Use synonyms
 in different
companies
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. Some
companies
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 have
strickt
Correct your spelling
strict
 cultures that everyone should wear formal clothes or should speak in a formal way, other
companies
Use synonyms
 have more flexible options. If
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in both
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 they can know what kind of place they feel comfortable.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my friends
stared
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in
casual
Add an article
a casual
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 where she expected to feel comfortable;
however
Linking Words
, when she changed her job, she realized that she
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 happier in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 formal
company
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the minority
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minority
Fix the agreement mistake
minorities
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 claim that working in the same organisation is better because they can feel comfortable and they do not have
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
;
however
Linking Words
, they neglect that if
emplooyes
Correct your spelling
employees
employers
 want to develop themselves, they should not stay in their comfort zones.
For example
Linking Words
, it is known that in many
companies
Use synonyms
, human resources promote employees who come from other
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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instead
Linking Words
 of workers who have worked for years. In conclusion, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 variety of organizations or not. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they should
work
Use synonyms
 different
companies
Use synonyms
 as much as they can. Only if they
work
Use synonyms
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
 places, can they develop their skills.

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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and specific examples to support the main points. More specific real-world examples can add weight to your arguments and make the essay more compelling.
task achievement
Try to avoid spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'broad' instead of 'broaden', 'there are a debate' instead of 'there is a debate', and 'strickt' instead of 'strict'. Proofreading your work before submission can help in catching these mistakes.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs and points. Some of the transitions feel abrupt and could be improved to make the essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline and summarize the main points of the essay, giving it a clear structure.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both views on the topic and provided your own opinion, which fulfills the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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