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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

It is often people argue that
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
teach children how to be a good
perent
Correct your spelling
parents
. I agree that learning about motherhood or fatherhood is important
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
Kids
Use synonyms
 can learn and gain
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
responsibility
Use synonyms
 and
nuture
Correct your spelling
nurture
 babies. I completely agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 children must
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 about how to be a good
parent
Use synonyms
.
kids
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 age have the capacity to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 about motherhood and fatherhood.
Also
Linking Words
, they care about their dolls so
this
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green flag is
give
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
 to
starting
Add the particle
starting to
show examples
 teach them.
For example
Linking Words
, a study at Harvard University shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 young people have more ability to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 and gain knowledge about how to be a good
parent
Use synonyms
 rather than adults. Childhood is the best period to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 about how to be a good
parent
Use synonyms
. There are many
skills
Use synonyms
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be a good
parent
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, attention to
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 because you care for babies they can not speak or explain what they want, so you need to understand their memic.
Secondly
Linking Words
, you must
have
Verb problem
take
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for your actions with them.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was young I
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 no idea about the
dengerous
Correct your spelling
danger
 of fire, so I just started
playin
Correct your spelling
playing
playin'
 in the oven and
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 I
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
fair, my mother
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
,
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 I were not aware.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this age
these ages
show examples
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 you can teach
kids
Use synonyms
 a lot of
skills
Use synonyms
 because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 will be willing to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I agree we should teach
kids
Use synonyms
 about how to be a good
parent
Use synonyms
 in childhood. Children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age have the capacity to gain
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 and
responsibility
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more detailed examples and explain your points further. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your paragraphs. Ensure each idea logically follows the previous one to improve coherence and cohesion. Use linking words and phrases effectively.
grammar
Double-check your essay for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. This will enhance clarity and make your points more coherent.
task achievement
Your essay's main points are relevant to the topic and clearly stated.
task achievement
You have made a strong attempt to address the topic and support your points with examples.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your key points and restates your position.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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