IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Imagine that a company plans to build an industry in your hometown. Discuss the factory might improve your community. Do you favour or oppose to build in your community. Give reasons and examples.

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Nowadays, the industrial expansion seems unstoppable. The building of new factories close to towns is
matter
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a matter
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 of debate among the
population
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss how the new
manufacture
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manufacturing
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 plants can improve the incomes and financial stability of the
population
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 of the cities and
on the other hand
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, how the pollution can affect the quality of life.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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 in my opinion, the benefits are higher than the drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the creation of
industry
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 in a town always seems like a benefit for that particular place. A new
manufacture
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manufacturing
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industry
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 needs a lot of manpower,
thus
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 ensuring the availability of all kinds of jobs among the local
population
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.
For example
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, in my town, an enormous car factory employs around 2000 workers
in
Change preposition
at
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 each turn.
As a consequence
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, the
employments
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employment
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 rates are high,
in contrast
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 with other towns without
industry
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, that suffer
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 unemployment rate.
Thus
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, creating wealth for the local
population
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.
In contrast
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, the creation of industrial parks near towns may set a drawback in the environmental aspect. The industries may contaminate the air, the water, the flora and fauna or all at the same time. As an example, in the region
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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 a paper factory that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years contaminated 10000
liters
Change the spelling
litres
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 of water from the
near
Correct word choice
nearby
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 river.
As a result
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, an enormous number of local
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 died and the fishing
industry
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suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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backfire
Wrong verb form
backfired
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. If the industrial complex does not respect
the
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apply
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environmental laws, the local biosphere will suffer the consequences.
On
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion, the creation of new
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
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 is beneficial for the economy of the zone, ensuring an income for the
population
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.
However
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, we need to enforce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental regulations to ensure the stability of the local habitat and avoid the possible drawbacks that the
industry
Use synonyms
 may create. In order to achieve the gigantic benefits that a new
industry
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 proportionate.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear structure and covers the main points of the topic. To improve your score, consider elaborating further on your examples and their impact, as this will provide more depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a good logical flow to your essay, but pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly disrupts the readability. Revising such areas can make your essay smoother.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and offer a clear perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Your main points are clearly presented and supported with relevant examples, which help to substantiate your arguments.
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