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Band 3

There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this have led to significant improvements in peoples live. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #decades #improvements #peoples
The major advancements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
 have brought
a
Correct article usage
apply
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significant development in the
lives
 of people. I completely agree with
this
 viewpoint because
technology
 has not only made our
lives
 easier and faster
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 safe and secure. The advancements
of
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in
show examples
technology
 have made our daily
lives
more
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apply
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easier and faster compared to the past. We can complete any tasks within a very
shorter
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short
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 amount of time by using daily home appliances. Women
are
Verb problem
apply
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mostly
benefitted
Verb problem
benefit
show examples
by
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from
show examples
this
 because it saves their time, and they can invest that time in their workplace.
For example
,
fridge
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fridges
show examples
, washing
mechine
Correct your spelling
machines
,
Correct word choice
and microwave
show examples
microwave
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microwaves
show examples
 have made our household chores
more
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apply
show examples
faster, and women can concentrate on their
career
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careers
show examples
. The biggest blessing of technological advancement is its
grounbreaking
Correct your spelling
groundbreaking
 achievement in medical science. Diagnosis of diseases and treatment procedures using numerous medical equipment save valuable
lives
 and increase life expectancy.
For example
, after inventing
CT
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the CT
show examples
 scan
mechine
Correct your spelling
machine
, the diagnosis of cancer has become more easier and accurate.
To conclude
,
technology
 has made our
lives
 easy. We can spend it peacefully and how we utilize the blessing of
technology
 is very important.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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grammar
Be cautious of small grammatical errors, such as 'more easier' which should be 'easier' and 'mechine' which should be 'machine'. These mistakes can undermine the clarity of your writing.
content
Expand on your ideas a bit more. While you have provided relevant examples, a deeper exploration of each point would make your argument more compelling. For instance, how exactly has technology made lives safer? Providing a broader range of innovative technological advancements would strengthen your essay.
conclusion
Improve the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the essay. This helps to reinforce your argument and adds a sense of completeness to your essay.
introduction
The essay has a clear and concise introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
content
Good use of examples, especially in the second body paragraph where you discuss medical advancements. This helps to illustrate your points effectively.
structure
The essay is generally well-organized and easy to follow, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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