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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of sodium, saturated fats, and added sugars, all of which may unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of sodium, saturated fats, and added sugars, all of which may unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The pie charts display the percentage of regular meals of sodium, saturated fats, and added sugars, which are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people's health when consumed too much.
Overall
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 has the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of all three unhealthy ingredients whilst
dinner
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 are both
threathening
Correct your spelling
threatening
 the life of
heman
Correct your spelling
human
 beings. First of all,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 have the same percentage of sodium with 14%, whilst lunch includes more than double with 29%.
Dinner
Use synonyms
 has the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of sodium with 43%, which is more than triple
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 includes the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of saturated fats with 16%.
Snacks
Use synonyms
 and lunch are
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
including
Verb problem
apply
show examples
21% and 26% respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 has
dramatically
Add an article
a dramatically
show examples
 higher percentage of
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
saturated fats with 37%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
snacks
Use synonyms
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 42% of added sugar, which is almost double of
dinner
Use synonyms
 has.
Breakfast
Use synonyms
 and lunch include almost the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of added sugar which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 16% and 19% respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words breakfast, amount, dinner, snacks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrient breakdown
  • average percentage
  • excessive consumption
  • health risks
  • sodium
  • saturated fats
  • added sugars
  • hypertension
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • contribution
  • comparison
  • meal types
  • dietary balance
  • nutritional value
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