IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people still believe that riding a bicycle is the best way to get to places. What are the advantage and disadvantage of using a bicycle these days?

#people #bicycle #places #advantage
A lot of
people
 still argue that riding a
bicycle
 is an effective way to go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere. In
this
 era, there are many choices for
people
 to go to one place,
such
 as cars, motorcycles, online
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, etc.
This
 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 advantages and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages of
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
than
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over
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 using other
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. After that,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 conclusion will be made. First of all,
by
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apply
show examples
riding
bicycle
Add an article
a bicycle
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will make
people
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
 and reduce air pollution at the same time.
For example
, when I was in elementary
school
, I used
go
Add the particle
to go
show examples
 to
school
 by
bike
. Because I do not
doing
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do
show examples
 exercise regularly, I still can maintain my body weight because of riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
.
In addition
, it was around 2010 and at that time,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be controlled
due to
people
 prefer using
Add an article
the bike
a bike
show examples
bike
Fix the agreement mistake
bikes
show examples
.
Therefore
, riding a
bike
 is a good way to keep fit and decrease pollution in the air.
Besides
 that,
people
 can not go far away if they use bicycles. Bicycles
only
Add a missing verb
are only
show examples
 effective if it is for short distances or from one house to another house.
For instance
, usually, my friend
go
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goes
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 to
school
 by using a
bike
 with
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
show examples
around
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of around
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 10 kilometres, which is so far.
Everytime
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Every time
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 he
was arrived
Change to the active voice
arrived
has arrived
show examples
 at
school
, he felt tired. He
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 doing it for a long time. So,
people
 can try to find alternative
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 if the distance is not reachable by
bike
. After seeing the explanation, on the one hand, bicycles have merits and
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the drawbacks. In my opinion,
people
 should decide in what conditions they must take other vehicles or bikes because it is based on their needs.
Besides
, I still prefer
bike
Fix the agreement mistake
bikes
show examples
 for sports
while
 public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 to get to places.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that you consistently provide clear and relevant examples to support your points. Specific examples enrich your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, make sure all paragraphs flow logically and that each idea is clearly connected to the next. This helps the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure your essay stays focused on addressing both the advantages and disadvantages in balanced detail. Doing so will provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs effectively frame the essay, providing a good structure for your discussion.
task achievement
You clearly present the health and environmental benefits of cycling, as well as the limitation of distance, which are pertinent points relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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