In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
In various countries graduates choose
studying
in their hometown,residing with their family and friends, whilst others attend university in another place. Living in another Change the verb form
to study
city
while
studying can be an enormous drawback for loads of students,
because Remove the comma
apply
the
have to deal with everything on their own. Correct your spelling
they
However
,I believe that the benefits of moving in
a different Change preposition
to
city
for studies often outweight
every disadvantage.
Correct your spelling
outweigh
Firstly
, living alone in a
another place demands Remove the article
apply
a
well-structured planning, which includes chores and time for studying and relaxing. One of the biggest Remove the article
apply
drawback
is the probability of having a financial problemChange to a plural noun
drawbacks
,
Remove the comma
apply
while
moving alone. Living away can be too expensive, because you spend a lot of money on accommodation,on
food and existing expenses.Change preposition
apply
For instance
, a student can not afford having
a job, because of the lack of time,Change the verb form
to have
that
might lead to stressful relations between family members because of Correct pronoun usage
which
the
financial pressure.
Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, having the opportunity to study outside of your city
gives you the privilege of building a new life and meeting new people. Furthermore
,if you live in
a campus you can form bonds with your roommates, Change preposition
on
that
will help you throughout the years.Living alone fosters a great number of qualities Correct pronoun usage
which
such
as independence, self-reliance,self-disciplined
and much more. Replace the word
self-discipline
For example
, a child who always lived in a sufficient environment,where he had nothing to do for maintaining his home, now being a student in a different city
on his own, has to learn how to be independent in everything.
To sum up
, every individual is different especially when it comes to choosing to study at home ,whereas
in another city
. Moving alone can be extremely hard for a student because of the setbacks, however
after an amount of Add a comma
however,
time
it gets easier and better.Add a comma
time,
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing and transition between ideas. While you do present your points logically, it’s important to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. For example, ensuring that the transition between discussing the drawbacks and benefits is seamless.
task achievement
Although you have provided relevant examples, try to integrate more detailed and varied examples to reinforce your points. Concrete examples or hypothetical scenarios can make your arguments more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
Ensure that you maintain a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid contractions like 'can't' and 'I'm'. Instead, use 'cannot' and 'I am'. This helps to keep your writing style academic and formal.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and strong introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of both the advantages and disadvantages of living away from home while studying. This balanced perspective is valuable.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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