3.Some people think that having a set retiremnt age (e.g 65 years) for everyone, regardless off occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retiremnent? –
There are a lot of arguments about
this
theme, that retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
age
of 65 years it's unfair for everyone
. Some jobs
should have exуptions,
because Remove the comma
apply
there
are Correct pronoun usage
they
more
harder and Change the word
apply
deserv
earlier Correct your spelling
require
retire
. I totally agree with Replace the word
retirement
this
statement, the
Correct article usage
apply
jobs
like firefighters, police, miners or doctors can be dangerous and too tire
for Wrong verb form
tiring
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
work
in these jobs
and they should retire earlier.
The main reason why i
think, that some Change the capitalization
I
people
should retire earlier than others, Correct your spelling
that's
that
thats
the difficulty
of occupations. My Correct your spelling
is
unkle
was Correct your spelling
uncle
firefighter
, he was very brave and helped Correct article usage
a firefighter
everyone
. Now he is retire
at Change the verb form
is retiring
age
of 50Correct article usage
the age
,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
job too
hard for Add a missing verb
is too
body
and for Correct pronoun usage
his body
mental
health. You always should be Correct pronoun usage
his mental
stressful
and worry about Replace the word
stressed
Correct article usage
the lifes
lifes
of strange Correct your spelling
lives
people
. In
Change preposition
This
this
days he can't sleep peacefully, because all he's dreams about fire, thats
means Correct your spelling
that
about
his Change preposition
apply
emotinal
Correct your spelling
emotions
strain
. Same Replace the word
strained
i
can say about doctors, saving Change the capitalization
I
lyfes
in the hospital Correct your spelling
lives
also
hard, about operations Add a missing verb
is also
i'm
just Change the capitalization
I'm
in
Change preposition
apply
silence
. For some hours you must Replace the word
silent
be
fully concentrate Unnecessary verb
apply
in
one thing and if you miss or Change preposition
on
fo
something wrong, all of it will be Correct your spelling
do
on
your hands. It's Change preposition
in
also
very mentally destroing
Correct your spelling
destroying
yourselfs
. Correct your spelling
yourself
yourselves
Thats
why Correct your spelling
That
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
age
should be more early
.
Correct word choice
earlier
In
Change preposition
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
hands
we Fix the agreement mistake
hand
have
have Unnecessary verb
apply
a
really easy Correct article usage
apply
jobs
, that you could work
on them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
and
after 60 and much older Correct word choice
apply
and
if Correct word choice
apply
retirement
year change
. A lot of lazy Fix the agreement mistake
changes
people
will go home and have money. Because in our country, if you retire the country will pay some money it's call
Replace the word
called
pensia
. And if Correct your spelling
pension
Persia
noone
will Correct your spelling
no one
work
, economics
of our country will Add an article
the economics
destroy
.
We should change the year of Wrong verb form
be destroyed
retirement
, but not for everyone
, only for certain. I know that the most difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
work
in the world, it's minors they works
in caves day and night, Change the verb form
work
no
rest. Their body dying, by reasons of bad air, and a lot Change preposition
with no
other
aspects. If they Change preposition
of other
not
retire quickly, they wouldn't be alive at 65.
In Change the verb form
do not
did not
general
countries should change retire Add a comma
general,
age
, for jobs
that Add a missing verb
are difficulty
difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
mentaly
and physically. But not Correct your spelling
mentally
everyone
, simple jobs
like sellers or people
that work
in IT
industry, can Correct article usage
the IT
work
untill
65 or older.Correct your spelling
until
Submitted by oleksandrrazancev64 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer and more logical structure in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear topic, supported by detailed explanations and examples. This will help make your argument more effective and easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to address the topic more comprehensively by considering counterarguments and presenting a balanced view. This can show greater depth in your understanding and analysis of the issue.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and the use of more complex sentence structures. This can enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively outlines your position and gives a good preview of what will be discussed in the essay.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples related to firefighters and doctors, which help illustrate why these professions might need to retire earlier due to the nature of their work.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.