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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the price of three metals during 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features , and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the price of three metals during 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features , and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graphs present the
percentage
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 compared with the previous
month
Use synonyms
 of three metal prices covering all months in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
nickel
Use synonyms
 had the greatest
change
Use synonyms
 in
percentage
Use synonyms
, comparing the beginning to the
end
Use synonyms
 of the
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
copper
Use synonyms
 showed a minimal
change
Use synonyms
. Zinc is the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 in price in the first
month
Use synonyms
 and ends at the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
. In January,
Nickel
Use synonyms
 started with a positive 6%
change
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 experienced a substantial dropping to the lowest point at minus 3%
change
Use synonyms
 in June before rising to a positive 1%
change
Use synonyms
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
year
Use synonyms
, with a minimal decrease in October.
However
Linking Words
, Zinc began at relatively lower with a positive 1%
change
Use synonyms
 and increased to a positive 3%
change
Use synonyms
 in the next
month
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 fell to a minus 1 %
change
Use synonyms
 in June. After that, in the next four months, its figure saw a dramatic incline to a positive 2%
change
Use synonyms
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the given period.
However
Linking Words
,
Copper
Use synonyms
 remained constant at approximately 2% with some fluctuation throughout the
year
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
percentage
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 in price compared with the previous
month
Use synonyms
 ,
nickel
Use synonyms
 had the largest negative
change
Use synonyms
 in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
copper
Use synonyms
 increased significantly surpassing the
nickel
Use synonyms
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of the
year
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
copper
Use synonyms
 remained steady during the given period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, change, month, nickel, end, year, copper with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 13 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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