IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It may be a problem for car drivers and cyclists to share the same road. What are the problems and how to improve the situation?

#car #drivers #cyclists #road #situation
Nowadays,
due to
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of vehicles, especially cars, it has become difficult for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
 owners and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cycle commuters to share a common road.
As a result
, a
number
 of mishaps are happening.
This
 essay will try to delve into the causes and a few ways to tackle the problem and make streets safe for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
groups.
To begin
 with, there are a
number
 of causes,
firstly
, poor planning of the cities. In fact,
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
, town planners have less space to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 the large population and in order to, use more land for housing, they usually give make
roads
 less wide. To illustrate, Mumbai is a coastal city and it is
over populated
Correct your spelling
overpopulated
show examples
,
therefore
,
roads
 are less wide.
Thus
, inefficient town planning is one of the major causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 making
roads
 less safe for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
 drivers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyclists.
Moreover
,
Correct article usage
the habits
show examples
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
 of
over speeding
Correct your spelling
overspeeding
show examples
 is another reason. As a matter of fact,
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to revolution in the field of
car
designing
Replace the word
design
show examples
 and
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
light weight
Correct your spelling
lightweight
show examples
 materials in
car
 construction enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles to commute
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high speed.
Hence
, it becomes unsafe for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyclists to use
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 road for cycling. There are a
number
 of solutions to
this
 problem
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be proposed,
first,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of different lanes dedicated to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyclists.
For example
, Denmark has made blue
roads
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 used only by the cycles.
Second,
a ban on
over speeding
Add a hyphen
over-speeding
show examples
 will
also
 make the streets safe for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parties.
To sum up
, poor town planning,
revolution
Add an article
a revolution
the revolution
show examples
 in
car
 designs and
introduction
Correct article usage
the introduction
show examples
 of new materials in
car
 fabrication are one of the major problems. As the
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
, making separate lanes and a ban on over speeding can improve the present situations.
Submitted by mrsdns on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar vocabulary
Be cautious with grammar and spelling errors. For instance, 'thesedays' should be 'these days', and 'accomodate' should be 'accommodate'.
task achievement
Consider adding more detailed and specific examples to better support your points. This could help in making your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization by ensuring each paragraph contains a single idea and relevant evidence to support it. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow of ideas to make transitions between points smoother and more logical. This will help with the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed the prompt by identifying the problems and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately present and frame your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collisions
  • fatalities
  • blind spots
  • mixed traffic
  • dedicated bike lanes
  • poorly maintained roads
  • potential for accidents
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • adequate infrastructure
  • misunderstandings
  • conflicts
  • speed differentials
  • defensive driving
  • urban planning
  • road-sharing initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: