IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone

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A huge part of the population these days use a lot of their available time on their phones. Humans find technology a more effective way to relax than to do something more productive. First of all, smartphones provide the possibility of watching videos, listening to music and playing games. It is more convenient to communicate with friends and family . Another reason why people use these things is to stay informed,
reading
Wrong verb form
read
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news
Correct article usage
the news
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 or
watching
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watch
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 educational content.
In addition
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, scrolling the internet can be a relaxing or even a way to escape daily stress.
Secondly
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,
this
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 habit can negatively influence the population, because they will forget how to appreciate
small
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the small
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 and beautiful things that are around them. People will not realise how quickly life passes and they will just spend
this
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 time on their phones.
For
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example
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example,
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 I watched a
monolog
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monologue
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 where a mother was talking about how she spent all her life on a computer and did not pay attention to her child.
This
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 woman did not take advantage of all the moments she could have with her child.
This
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 mom preferred to spend time
on
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apply
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making money with her smartphone
instead
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 of enjoying
things
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the things
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 which
surround
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surrounded
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 her. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I can say that we need to have a limit when using our phones because we can lose very valuable moments in our lives.
This
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Correct your spelling
technology
tehnologie
Correct your spelling
technology
 can benefit the population, but
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also
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also,
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 it can damage their brain and make them forget what really matters.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider elaborating on your introduction to provide a clearer outline of what your main points will be. This helps set the reader's expectations for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific point and has a smooth transition to maintain the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments and make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for small errors, such as spelling mistakes (e.g., 'tehnologie' should be 'technology') and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas).
content
You provided a balanced view of the issue, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of smartphone use.
content
Your personal example of the mother illustrates your point effectively and adds a relatable element to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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