Some people think technology development decreases crime, while the others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, we live in a digital era with all its positive and negative trends. Most
of
people believe that technological advancements have significantly decreased the total level of crime. Change preposition
apply
Whereas
, the others declare it has actually encouraged criminal activity. In this
essay, the
both viewpoints will be revealed.
On one side, there are millions of examples Remove the article
apply
how
contemporary devices can help to solve criminal cases. Change preposition
of how
For instance
, the widespread use of CCTVs has led to a significant increase in crime-solving rates. Speaking about burglary, it is logical that a burglar will think twice before rubbing
a house if they are aware of Correct your spelling
robbing
video
surveillance nearby. Also
, the
modern Correct article usage
apply
video
equipment helps with the
other crimes Correct article usage
apply
such
as kidnapping. For example
, a kidnapper will unlikely commit the crime, if there are a lot of video
cameras around. As a result
, parents no longer warry
about their kids. The latter is rather actual Correct your spelling
worry
especially
in backward countries.
On the flip side of the coin, burglars and kidnappers tend to choose a place or building without CCTV, doing their crimes anonymously. Unfortunately, it is impossible to install the equipment everywhere. Add the comma(s)
, especially
Moreover
, video
surveillance can be turned off maliciously or the device may not work for some other reasons. The most dreadful sight, however
, is that internet fraudsters and hackers are thriving nowadays to
say the least. It is worth noting that digital currency today is one of the most vulnerable things to be hacked. Add the comma(s)
, to
Furthermore
, hacking has become a pressing issue today even in developed countries let alone backward states.
In conclusion, although
contemporary equipment has probably led to a decline in various thefts and the
other serious criminal cases, some new sorts of fraudsters have appeared so far. Governments with security experts should work out a plan Correct article usage
apply
how
to protect their citizens from online fraud. It is Change preposition
for how
also
not recommended for the police to utterly relay
on Correct your spelling
rely
the
technological advancements Correct article usage
apply
such
as CCTV cameras etc., instead
they should not forget about the alternative piece of evidence.Add a comma
instead,
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general
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors to improve readability, such as 'worry' instead of 'warry' and 'rely' instead of 'relay'.
task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are both relevant and specific. General advice is good but intertwining it with more solid real-life examples could elevate the essay to another level.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the meaning of certain parts for better understanding. Phrases like 'the other serious criminal cases' could be more specific.
general
Improve paraphrasing to avoid repetition. Phrases like 'modern equipment' and 'contemporary devices' could be varied more to add richness to the text.
general
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear but general context and restate the issue, which helps in framing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are adequately supported with examples, especially the use of CCTVs reducing crime rates and the potential harmful impact of hacking.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure and flow are maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example