IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while the others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. write 250 words, 4 paragraphs

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime #paragraphs
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Those who believe that
technology
development
 decreases
crime
 argue that advancements in
technology
 have provided
law
enforcement
 agencies with better tools to prevent and solve crimes.
For example
, the use of surveillance cameras, biometric identification systems, and data analysis software
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 made it easier for authorities to monitor criminal activity and identify suspects.
Additionally
,
technology
 has made it harder for
criminals
 to operate in the shadows, as digital footprints can be easily traced back to them.
Therefore
, the argument goes,
as
Correct word choice
that as
show examples
technology
 improves, the ability of
law
enforcement
 to crack down on
crime
also
 improves.
On the other hand
, there are those who argue that
technology
development
 actually encourages
crime
. They believe that as
technology
 becomes more advanced,
criminals
 are
also
 becoming more sophisticated in their methods.
For example
, the rise of cybercrime has been attributed to the increased use of
technology
 in committing fraudulent activities.
Additionally
, advancements in encryption and anonymization tools have made it easier for
criminals
 to evade detection and carry out illegal activities online.
Therefore
, the argument goes,
technology
development
 not only enables
law
enforcement
 but
also
 empowers
criminals
. In my opinion,
while
 it is true that
technology
development
 can both help prevent and facilitate
crime
, its
overall
 impact on
crime
 rates is more nuanced.
Technology
 has undoubtedly given
law
enforcement
 agencies new tools and methods to combat
crime
, but it has
also
 created new opportunities for
criminals
 to exploit. It is essential for policymakers and
law
enforcement
 agencies to stay ahead of technological developments and adapt their strategies
accordingly
 to effectively address the evolving nature of
crime
 in the digital age. Ultimately, the relationship between
technology
 and
crime
 is complex and multifaceted, and it requires a comprehensive approach to mitigate both the positive and negative effects of technological advancements on
crime
 rates.
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task achievement
Ensure that each viewpoint is backed by specific and varied examples. For instance, while you mention surveillance cameras and biometric systems, offering additional specific instances like the role of AI in predictive policing could enrich your argument. Similarly, providing varied examples for technology encouraging crime, such as specific cybercrime incidents or dark web activities, could strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally well-structured, enhancing the transition between paragraphs will improve its coherence. For example, linking the second paragraph with the first by briefly mentioning the contrasting views could provide a smoother transition. It is also good practice to end each body paragraph with a concluding sentence that summarizes the point before moving to the next view.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive discussion of both views, offering a nuanced understanding of the topic. The opinion is well stated and integrated throughout the response, which contributes significantly to the overall task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented. The conclusion summarizes the arguments nicely and offers a well-rounded perspective on the topic, emphasizing the complexity of the relationship between technology and crime.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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