4-Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Landing a suitable
job
is a common concern for human beings, especially youths. Some individuals claim that it is better that juveniles pursue careers they are passionate about. Others,
however
, refuse
this
idea and believe they should choose their professions more
according to
the realities existing in society and
future
prospects.
Otherwise
, I absolutely maintain the idea that they carry out a
job
having alignment with their willings. The reason why some
people
believe juveniles should get a
job
that they are terribly keen on is that passion leads to motivation and productivity. When young
people
choose their jobs
according to
their desires and interests, they are more likely to be motivated to carry out their duties and responsibilities.
Moreover
, passionate employees often go above and beyond in their roles, causing higher productivity
as well as
job
satisfaction. In a company,
this
productivity and enthusiasm,
for example
, can inspire creativity, which is a valuable asset.
On the other hand
,
according to
the claim of another group of
people
’s view, being more realistic
as well as
predictable as to career choices can bring better financial stability and security in the long term. Jobs that are in high demand and offer good salaries can provide juniors with a stable income, which is crucial not only for meeting life’s expenses but
also
for planning for the
future
.
This
monetary situation
in addition
enables young
people
to save money for major life events, namely purchasing a home or starting a family. I align with the viewpoint that adolescents should land a profession aligning with one’s interests and passions can bring about greater personal fulfilment
as well as
happiness. When individuals are cheerful with their career choices, probably, they achieve and develop personal growth and even self-actualization.
As a result
,
this
can positively impact their mental health and well-being, reducing stress and having calmness. In conclusion, the issue of whether
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
young
people
should get a
job
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
their desires or
future
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
is a nuanced one. In spite of a group of
people
who believe that it is better
adolescents
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for adolescents
show examples
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
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a career which is more realistic and more practical for their
future
, I strongly opine young
people
should apply for a
job
which is aligned with their interest. Because in
this
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
, they can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their dreams and personal growth, causing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better mental health for them.
Submitted by ielts7683 on

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word choice clarity
Be careful with word choice and clarity. Some phrases can be refined for better understanding. For instance, 'Having alignment with their willings' can be more naturally stated as 'aligning with their desires.'
grammar proofreading
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task response
The essay effectively addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, which completes the task requirement.
structure
Overall structure is logical with a strong introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument.
content relevance
The points made are relevant and well-explained, showing a good understanding of the topic.

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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