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4-Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#-some #people #jobs #future
Landing a suitable
job
 is a common concern for human beings, especially youths. Some individuals claim that it is better that juveniles pursue careers they are passionate about. Others,
however
, refuse
this
 idea and believe they should choose their professions more
according to
 the realities existing in society and
future
 prospects.
Otherwise
, I absolutely maintain the idea that they carry out a
job
 having alignment with their willings. The reason why some
people
 believe juveniles should get a
job
 that they are terribly keen on is that passion leads to motivation and productivity. When young
people
 choose their jobs
according to
 their desires and interests, they are more likely to be motivated to carry out their duties and responsibilities.
Moreover
, passionate employees often go above and beyond in their roles, causing higher productivity
as well as
job
 satisfaction. In a company,
this
 productivity and enthusiasm,
for example
, can inspire creativity, which is a valuable asset.
On the other hand
,
according to
 the claim of another group of
people
’s view, being more realistic
as well as
 predictable as to career choices can bring better financial stability and security in the long term. Jobs that are in high demand and offer good salaries can provide juniors with a stable income, which is crucial not only for meeting life’s expenses but
also
 for planning for the
future
.
This
 monetary situation
in addition
 enables young
people
 to save money for major life events, namely purchasing a home or starting a family. I align with the viewpoint that adolescents should land a profession aligning with one’s interests and passions can bring about greater personal fulfilment
as well as
 happiness. When individuals are cheerful with their career choices, probably, they achieve and develop personal growth and even self-actualization.
As a result
,
this
 can positively impact their mental health and well-being, reducing stress and having calmness. In conclusion, the issue of whether
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 should get a
job
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 their desires or
future
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
 is a nuanced one. In spite of a group of
people
 who believe that it is better
adolescents
Change preposition
for adolescents
show examples
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
 a career which is more realistic and more practical for their
future
, I strongly opine young
people
 should apply for a
job
 which is aligned with their interest. Because in
this
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
, they can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams and personal growth, causing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better mental health for them.
Submitted by ielts7683 on

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specific examples
Expand on examples to provide a more comprehensive support of your points. Specific scenarios or case studies can make your argument more convincing.
coherence
Ensure all ideas are clearly linked with appropriate linking words/phrases to maintain the flow of the essay. This will enhance coherence.
word choice clarity
Be careful with word choice and clarity. Some phrases can be refined for better understanding. For instance, 'Having alignment with their willings' can be more naturally stated as 'aligning with their desires.'
grammar proofreading
Although your ideas are well-organized, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward expressions. Carefully proofreading your essay can help improve accuracy.
task response
The essay effectively addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, which completes the task requirement.
structure
Overall structure is logical with a strong introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument.
content relevance
The points made are relevant and well-explained, showing a good understanding of the topic.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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