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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

Social
media
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 has undeniably transformed the way
people
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 communicate, offering instant connectivity across the globe.
While
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 it has brought significant changes to personal
relationships
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 and society, the debate remains
whether
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on whether
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 its benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, I will argue that
although
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 social
media
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 has certain negative effects, its advantages in enhancing
communication
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, fostering global connections, and providing new opportunities for interaction far outweigh these disadvantages. On the one hand, social
media
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 has introduced several challenges, particularly concerning personal
relationships
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. Many critics argue that online
communication
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 lacks the emotional depth of face-to-face
interactions
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.
For example
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, non-verbal cues
such
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 as body language and facial expressions are often lost in digital conversations, potentially leading to misunderstandings.
Additionally
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, excessive use of social
media
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 may result in
people
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 becoming isolated from real-life
interactions
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. Individuals who spend an inordinate amount of time on platforms like Instagram or Facebook might prioritize virtual
relationships
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 over physical ones, leading to weaker bonds with family and friends.
However
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, the benefits of social
media
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 in modern
communication
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 are substantial. First and foremost, it enables
people
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 to maintain
relationships
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 over long distances. In today’s increasingly globalized world, social
media
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 allows friends, families, and colleagues to stay connected despite geographic barriers. Platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp or Skype provide affordable and convenient ways for
people
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 to interact, share updates, and collaborate on personal or professional matters.
Moreover
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, social
media
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 encourages cultural exchange and broadens perspectives. Individuals can easily connect with
people
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 from diverse backgrounds, allowing them to learn about different cultures, ideas, and experiences.
For instance
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, language exchange groups or cultural forums on social
media
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 enable users to enhance their language skills or gain insights into other traditions.
Such
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interactions
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 would be far more difficult without these platforms. Another crucial advantage is that social
media
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 has become a powerful tool for businesses and communities. Entrepreneurs use it to promote their products, reach a broader audience, and engage directly with consumers.
Additionally
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, non-profit organizations rely on social
media
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 to spread awareness and mobilize support for social causes.
This
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 has had a positive impact on both local and global communities, enabling faster dissemination of information and the ability to organize events or campaigns with ease. In conclusion,
while
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 the rise of social
media
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 does present certain disadvantages,
such
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 as the potential for weakening face-to-face
relationships
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, its advantages in fostering
communication
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, cultural exchange, and business opportunities far outweigh these concerns. As long as individuals use social
media
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 responsibly and balance it with real-world
interactions
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, it can serve as a powerful tool for enhancing personal
relationships
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 and benefiting society.

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task achievement
Consider using a few more specific examples to strengthen the arguments and make them more relatable. For instance, referencing specific studies or statistics about social media usage could provide more tangible evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This will help enhance the logical flow and ensure each point remains tightly connected to the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
You provided a strong and clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay’s argument and tying together the main points.
logical structure
The logical structure is well-organized with distinct paragraphs for each point. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth and maintain the flow of the essay.
complete response
You presented a balanced argument by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, and then convincingly argued in favor of the advantages.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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