IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is a doctor's responsibility to inform patients if they have a serious disease. Doctors should not be allowed to withhold medical information from their patients. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#doctor #responsibility #patients #disease #doctors #information
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The primary consideration for
doctors
Use synonyms
 is the interests and care of their
patients
Use synonyms
.
The more
Correct article usage
More
show examples
 accountability toward
patients
Use synonyms
 must not
banning
Change the verb form
ban
be banning
show examples
 the serious illness and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good idea
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the doctor to discuss the serious illness to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 immediate
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
from
Capitalize word
From
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 my perspective I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss my point
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
. First of all . Even though a straightforward
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ban is a great idea to keep people especially patient
completed
Wrong verb form
completing
show examples
 their lives without stress and overthinking about the disease .
For example
Linking Words
,most of the
patients
Use synonyms
 when they realised
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health and his live on the edge
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
died from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overthinking
while
Linking Words
 1
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 and live as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
doctors
Use synonyms
 should deal with
patients
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 carefully and just motivate them to
keep
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 healthy and focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , there are many ways to help
patients
Use synonyms
to pass
Verb problem
overcome
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
For instance
Linking Words
,
doctors
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 should have teaching methods
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to control and convince
patients
Use synonyms
 to keep
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 and
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 by
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 them lists to follow healthy diet and exercise.
Physicians
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 frequently ignore their
patients
Use synonyms
' wishes when they consider the appropriateness of
truth telling
Add a hyphen
truth-telling
show examples
. A complete shift from nondisclosure to mandatory disclosure without considering
patients
Use synonyms
' preferences may lead to serious harm to
patients
Use synonyms
 who do not want to be told the truth. Because
physicians
Use synonyms
 cannot satisfactorily treat
patients
Use synonyms
 without knowing their preferences toward disclosure of a diagnosis, I propose a simple strategy to break
this
Linking Words
 long-standing ethical dilemma
physicians
Use synonyms
 must develop the habit of inquiring about their
patients
Use synonyms
' preferences. In conclusion,
doctors
Use synonyms
 care
and
Change preposition
for and
show examples
treatment
Replace the word
treat
show examples
 the
patients
Use synonyms
 and
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
primary to do the best possible treatment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them. Despite
this
Linking Words
 evidence of their
patients
Use synonyms
' wishes,
physicians
Use synonyms
 in many countries still hesitate to disclose
this
Linking Words
 and other diagnoses.
Submitted by a.almakmari93 on

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task achievement
Work on providing clear and specific examples to support your points. The examples provided are a bit vague and general.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically between paragraphs.
task achievement
Proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can enhance readability and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph is well-developed and contributes to the overall argument. Some paragraphs could be more focused and detailed.
coherence cohesion
You have provided an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address multiple aspects of the issue, which shows an effort to provide a comprehensive discussion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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