Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?
It is notable that many
peoples
are relentlessly striving to achieve Fix the agreement mistake
people
success
in
particular
field Add an article
a particular
such
as career, education, wealth or health, at some point in their life
, others argue that we are
all value Unnecessary verb
apply
success
differently based on cultures and experiences that influence our attitude toward it. Hence
, I personally believe that an
ability to do Correct article usage
the
things
you dreamed of is the biggest achievement.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for us that success
can be viewed and defined alternatively as we are all nurtured from different cultures and may encountered
Change the verb form
encounter
be encountered
with
unique experiences. To simply explain, some Change preposition
apply
peoples
may have to leave Fix the agreement mistake
people
from
the education system at a very young age in order to Change preposition
apply
making
a living and Change the verb
make
this
might be the case that make
them Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
aiming
to get a high academic level or Wrong verb form
aim
being
employed in Wrong verb form
be
a superior positions
in order to pursue their dreams or for financial incentives, Correct the article-noun agreement
a superior position
superior positions
while
others might neglected
about Change the verb form
be neglected
neglect
these aforementioned
Change the determiner
this aforementioned success
these aforementioned successes
success
and perhaps happy with a more simple ideas
like being able to live healthily, or being loved and supported with good companions, etc. Correct the article-noun agreement
more simple ideas
a more simple idea
instead
. Take millionaires, for examples
; though they are extremely wealthy, when it comes to health, there is no difference in sickness that some Fix the agreement mistake
example
wishes
to live the rest of their Change the verb form
wish
life
without any illness.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, I personally argue in favour of my own definition of success
, seeing that the power of doing things
you want is the most valuable milestones
in Fix the agreement mistake
milestone
life
. From my experience, i
admittedly have Change the capitalization
I
privilege
Correct article usage
the privilege
either
financial or emotional support from my parents, without them I would never done Change preposition
of either
things
I wanted to in my life
like being an exchange student during highschool
. Though Correct your spelling
high school
educations
and career Fix the agreement mistake
education
success
is
unarguably vital, the autonomy of doing desirable Change the verb form
are
things
is much more outstanding than the other two.
In a nutshell, although
it is undeniable that people have different opinion
toward Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
success
due to
their past experiences or cultures, I am of the opinion that being able to do things
you love is considered as
precious Correct your spelling
a
remarks
for myself as a Fix the agreement mistake
remark
success
.Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, which is great. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that you eliminate minor grammar errors and awkward sentence constructions. For instance, phrases like 'some peoples' should be 'some people,' and the article 'the' is missing before 'education system.'
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, but some sentences can be more concise and clear. For example, simplify 'Take millionaires, for examples' to 'Take millionaires, for example.' Cohesion will improve by slightly more varied vocabulary and the elimination of redundant phrases.
logical structure
Introduction and conclusion are both present and well articulated, contributing effectively to the overall structure.
supported main points
Main points are generally supported by relevant examples, making the arguments more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
The response is well-rounded, providing a comprehensive view of what success means to different people, alongside a personal perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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