IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.'

#people #internet #downloads #effect #music #industry #impact #artists
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A big issue currently concerning the
music
Use synonyms
 industry is illegal downloading. Some people consider that unlawful internet downloads have a huge impact on
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
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 market.
While
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 state that there is no damage caused to
artists
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 or
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music
Correct article usage
the music
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 industry by internet
download
Fix the agreement mistake
downloads
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. In my opinion, when
artists
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 and musicians do not earn enough from their
work
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 ,they will be less motivated to create new
music
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. It is well known that
artists
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 and musicians
work
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 very hard to create new songs.In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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 they pay a lot of money for production companies and
music
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producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
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 to introduce new and
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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of
Change preposition
apply
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songs on the market.It can take
month
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a month
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 to produce one song .
Artists
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 often rely on income from their
music
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 to sustain their careers.
For
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this
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reason
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reason,
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 they need to earn money to progress and to be motivated and follow their
work
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 to keep it updated.
Furthermore
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,free
downlaod
Correct your spelling
downloads
 might affect their
work
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 because people may not be interested in buying their CDs if they have to pay for them
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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As well as
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 there must be a restriction for each
downloads
Change to a singular noun
download
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 to respect copyright. On the other
hans
Correct your spelling
hand
, it is evident that technology has invaded
world
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the world
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 and everybody uses the internet.
Consequently
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 downloading could help musicians and
artists
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 be more famous.Because of
this
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, people would be able to listen to
music
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 everywhere. If a song becomes widely shared, it can attract new fans who might not have discovered the artist
otherwise
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.
To conclude
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 ,even though there are some benefits to the artist of illegal downloading ,the drawbacks generally outweigh those benefits
Submitted by janejaspar on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention some statistics or specific cases where illegal downloads have impacted or not impacted musicians.
coherence cohesion
Be consistent with grammar and punctuation to maintain clarity. Ensure each sentence is clear and error-free to enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
While the main ideas are clear, work on organizing them more logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and that they follow a logical sequence.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states your opinion.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is a good attempt to discuss both views, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illegal downloads
  • financial losses
  • record labels
  • decrease in sales
  • perception
  • undermine
  • upcoming artists
  • pirated
  • exposure
  • concert attendance
  • merchandise sales
  • alternative revenue streams
  • live performances
  • sponsorships
  • streaming platforms
  • business models
  • loyal fan base
  • adapt
  • mitigate
  • thrive
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