IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eating too much. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eating too much. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts above depict information about the percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks of three different kinds of nutrients. If it is eaten in large portions, there is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 to be unhealthy.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that dinner
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 percentage that contains
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
while
Linking Words
 snacks in added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in dining time, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 43 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
. After that, 37 of it is saturated fat.
Then
Linking Words
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in it.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 has
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 29 per
cent
Use synonyms
 which is the biggest component.
Moreover
Linking Words
, saturated fat contributes as much as 26 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the rest of it is added
sugar
Use synonyms
. On the other sides,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 breakfast time, people consume 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 about 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, snacks have
proportion
Correct article usage
a proportion
show examples
14
Change preposition
of 14
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, 21 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of saturated fat. Later, added
sugar
Use synonyms
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 approximately 42 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the nutrition.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average percentage
  • nutrients
  • sodium
  • saturated fat
  • added sugars
  • typical meals
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • snacks
  • consumption
  • excess
  • health implications
  • comparison
  • trend
  • pattern
What to do next:
Look at other essays: