It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
day and age, it has become increasingly
prevelent
Correct your spelling
prevalent
for people to believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation should be alert regarding
differences
Correct article usage
the differences
show examples
between right and wrong, and parents should punish their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
for their mistakes. I personally agree with
this
notion and there should be a line related to
punishment
. There are two primary reasons why I believe punishing plays a vital role in helping
children
aware
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
flaws. The first reason is that
children
after
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
tends to forget, which can be harmful to their growth.
Punishment
by parents and others can help them remember their own detrimental works and not make it again. Another reason is that
children
can learn a huge amount of lessons
due to
their mistakes,
thus
they have a tendency to forget
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
so punish go along might
left
Change the verb form
leave
show examples
them
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
great impression.
For instance
, in Vietnam, kindergarten often
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
them a
punishment
after
Change preposition
for
show examples
their negative works, which discipline them significantly.
However
, there are some
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
are consider
Change the verb form
are considered
show examples
to be brutal and individuals who
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
should put a
bourdaries
Correct your spelling
burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
regard.
Firstly
, parents can hit their child with certain objects,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
some of them nowadays tend to hit their offspring with hard items.
This
might create a detrimental to the youngster both mentally and physically.
Secondly
, there are some
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
that might help the students to acknowledge their flaws in
shcools
Correct your spelling
school
.
For example
,
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
can mention their mistake to the whole class, making them
embarrasing
Correct your spelling
embarrassed
can help them to learn
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
mistake. In conclusion,
while
I believe that there are
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
that can help
children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
distinguish right and wrong.
However
, individuals who participated should draw a line to hinder the negative impacts to some extent.
Submitted by lahuyquan123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses both parts of the task. Your response concentrates more on the necessity of punishment but should also give equal weight to the types of punishment that should be allowed.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your main points and make sure each paragraph addresses one main idea. For example, one paragraph could focus on why punishment is necessary, and another could discuss appropriate types of punishment.
task response
Provide more specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument. The example about Vietnam's kindergartens was a good start but could be elaborated further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You provided a relevant example about kindergartens in Vietnam, which adds depth to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: