Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disaster like earthquakes and floods. Governments should concentrate their resources on educating people about their risks they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this.

People
who live near places that have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
to
facing
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face
show examples
natural
disasters
,
such
as
earthquakes
and
floods
must
keep
Verb problem
be
show examples
aware because it can happen anytime. By
this
, the
government
should focus
to educate
Change preposition
on educating
show examples
their citizens, especially
for
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apply
show examples
those who have houses near it. Personally, I agree with
this
because it can reduce a lot of money and increase possibility the
living
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of living
show examples
life of
human
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humans
show examples
.
This
essay will take
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
from how
Japan
mitigate the
disasters
as well as
giving
seminar
Fix the agreement mistake
seminars
show examples
to educate
people
.
Firstly
,
Japan
is famous for its natural
disasters
's mitigation. In fact, in
Japan
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earthquakes
and
tsunami
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tsunamis
show examples
happen frequently.
For example
, in 2006, there was a big tsunami.
However
, the citizens
at
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apply
show examples
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
did not panic because have knew what they should do after
got
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getting
show examples
training from their
government
. At that time, they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tried to hide below the desk. After that,
people
did not
standing
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stand
show examples
near a power pole.
Therefore
,
Japan
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
saved more than 5000
people
and the loss was low.
Furthermore
, the prevention
to tackle
Verb problem
of
show examples
natural
disasters
can be
from
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through
show examples
seminars or workshops.
For instance
,
similarly
like
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to
show examples
Japan
, Indonesia is located at two tectonic plates. Because of
this
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earthquakes
happen
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
goes
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
floods
. So, the local
government
initiates to make seminars or workshops. In
this
workshop,
people
can make small
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipments
show examples
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
or assemble
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
their households if
floods
comes
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come
show examples
.
Thus
, they could save important goods at home without
worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
show examples
about
floods
. As seen above, the mitigation ways
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
really important, particularly, for those who live in dangerous places in which
earthquakes
and
floods
will happen. The other governments can look up to
Japan
and
Indonesia's
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Indonesia
show examples
government
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governments
show examples
to adopt their ways
to rescue
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of rescuing
show examples
from natural
disasters
.
As a result
, it is crucial for the
government
to educate citizens about natural
disasters
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples to support your points. For instance, elaborate on the measures Japan and Indonesia take during earthquakes and floods.
coherence cohesion
Revise and enhance transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will ensure smoother reading. Examples include ‘Furthermore’, ‘Moreover’, etc.
task achievement
The essay does well in choosing relevant examples, notably Japan and Indonesia, which effectively illustrate the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. This provides coherence to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • headline-grabbing
  • disasters
  • earthquakes
  • floods
  • government resources
  • educating people
  • risks
  • cost lives
  • closer to home
  • prevent
  • mitigate
  • damage
  • loss of life
  • responsibility
  • prioritize
  • safety
  • well-being
  • citizens
  • disaster preparedness
  • national curriculum
  • balancing resources
  • preparedness
  • response
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