IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
There is an argument that improving
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of life should be the primary purpose of
science
. I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 view and I will elaborate more on
this
 essay.
Firstly
,
science
 can help humans make innovations in
this
 modern world. As many scientists work hard on solving
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 problems
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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, new technologies are invented.
Moreover
, these innovations made by them are usually feasible for people's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
, a mobile phone was discovered because of
inflexibility
Add an article
the inflexibility
show examples
 of the old
wire-phone
Correct your spelling
wire phone
show examples
 in the past.
Thus
, nowadays we can use a hand phone effortlessly, leading to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easier communication
to
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with
show examples
 each other. It can be said that
science
 has the most crucial role
of
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in
show examples
this
 finding which is improving the way of communication these days.
Secondly
.
science
 is essential to improve the
quality
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. As we can see in these times that air pollution plays a crucial cause
of
Change preposition
in
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 the climate change issue.
However
, a new energy resource is successfully found
due to
 the
science
's role,
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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green energy
replaces
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 fossil fuels,
thus
, the rate of pollution can be decreased.
For instance
, in Singapore, the government force their people to use electric cars to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conventional
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 usage, because they are the dominant polluter of air in that country. Owing to
this
 policy, the air
quality
 will be better because of the eco-friendly vehicles, which is a pivotal contribution from
science
. In conclusion, I believe that
science
 engages to increase the
quality
 of people's lives in terms of innovations discovering
as well as
 improving the environmental's
quality
.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Develop your main points with more depth and specific details to enhance clarity and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Include more specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows smoothly by using appropriate linking devices and transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors, such as punctuation and sentence structure, to ensure clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
The essay consistently stays on topic and addresses the primary aim of science, which demonstrates a focused approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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