IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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There is an argument that improving
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of life should be the primary purpose of
science
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. I strongly agree
to
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with
show examples
this
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 view and I will elaborate more on
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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,
science
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 can help humans make innovations in
this
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 modern world. As many scientists work hard on solving
world's
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the world's
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 problems
by
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through
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 their
researches
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research
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, new technologies are invented.
Moreover
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, these innovations made by them are usually feasible for people's daily
life
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lives
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.
For example
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, a mobile phone was discovered because of
inflexibility
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the inflexibility
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 of the old
wire-phone
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wire phone
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 in the past.
Thus
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, nowadays we can use a hand phone effortlessly, leading to
an
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apply
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easier communication
to
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with
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 each other. It can be said that
science
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 has the most crucial role
of
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in
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this
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 finding which is improving the way of communication these days.
Secondly
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.
science
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 is essential to improve the
quality
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 of
environment
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the environment
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. As we can see in these times that air pollution plays a crucial cause
of
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in
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 the climate change issue.
However
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, a new energy resource is successfully found
due to
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 the
science
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's role,
such
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 as
the
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apply
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green energy
replaces
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replacing
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 fossil fuels,
thus
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, the rate of pollution can be decreased.
For instance
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, in Singapore, the government force their people to use electric cars to reduce
the
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apply
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conventional
cars
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car
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 usage, because they are the dominant polluter of air in that country. Owing to
this
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 policy, the air
quality
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 will be better because of the eco-friendly vehicles, which is a pivotal contribution from
science
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. In conclusion, I believe that
science
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 engages to increase the
quality
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 of people's lives in terms of innovations discovering
as well as
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 improving the environmental's
quality
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.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Develop your main points with more depth and specific details to enhance clarity and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Include more specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows smoothly by using appropriate linking devices and transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors, such as punctuation and sentence structure, to ensure clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
The essay consistently stays on topic and addresses the primary aim of science, which demonstrates a focused approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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