IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #decades #improvements #people #lives
In
this
 tech-savvy era, everyone's lives have been improved
due to
 massive advancements in
technology
 in the
last
 few years. I agree with
this
 statement but there are a few points that do not support
this
 , which I will discuss in the aforementioned paragraphs.
Firstly
,
technology
 has improved the quality of life. If we talk about artificial intelligence,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps in doing every kind of activity. A person can learn whatever they want, as it gives solutions for any problem.
This
 platform of
technology
 assists students with top-level study material for all types and levels of education. Elevation in mobile
technology
 has made communication a lot more easy. Earlier, pigeons used to work as messengers , but now we can
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 video calls, voice calls, and send emails / messages overseas with the help of the internet.
Also
, nowadays,
while
 sitting at home we can shop online,
instead
 of going out in scorching heat and extremely cold weather.
On the other hand
, the younger generation is getting badly impacted. They are becoming lethargic,
while
 sitting in one place they can control everything like turning off the lights,
locking
Correct word choice
and locking
show examples
 the doors.
Moreover
, children spend most of their time using mobile phones
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and playing video games which has deteriorated their physical and mental health.
To conclude
,
technology
 has more advantages as compared to disadvantages. If we use
technology
 effectively,
them
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it is a boom for human beings.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop each of the main points more fully. For instance, provide more specific examples or data to support your claims, such as mentioning specific AI applications or detailing more on how online shopping has changed lives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure thematic consistency by linking ideas smoothly within and between paragraphs. Enhance clarity by structuring sentences effectively to ensure smooth reader comprehension.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt sufficiently, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are nicely presented, setting up the discussion and summarizing effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge
  • innovations
  • breakthroughs
  • automation
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • mobile technologies
  • diagnostic tools
  • renewable energy
  • efficiency
  • economic growth
  • knowledge sharing
  • global scale
  • cleaner alternatives
  • job displacement
  • update skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: