The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education leassons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Although
Correct article usage
the health
health care
system faces significant obstacles on a way to deal with the problem of Correct your spelling
healthcare
overweight
, I firmly agree with Add a missing verb
being overweight
a
perspective that says that introducing more physical Correct article usage
the
education
classes in the school curriculum is a great way to solve this
problem.
The reason why I think that physical education
lessons are essential in schools is that they are able to preclude
Verb problem
prevent
children
from overweight
at Add a missing verb
being overweight
young
age. Add an article
a young
Active
Correct article usage
An active
lifestyle
taught with the
Correct article usage
apply
education
can help health
care system Correct article usage
the health
to
detect or prevent Verb problem
apply
the
health issues from Correct article usage
apply
early
Correct article usage
an early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
,
when it is not Remove the comma
apply
deterioritated
. Correct your spelling
deteriorating
Sport
is necessary, especially, in school, where the vast majority of children
spend their entire day sitting in one place. Even simple warm-ups play important
role in keeping the healthy fit and reducing the Correct article usage
an important
predesposition
to overweight. Scientists revealed that the earlier a kid has an active Correct your spelling
predisposition
lifestyle
, the easier to do a sport
and integrate it into everyday life. That means, that physical education
lessons help students to build a strong habit that decreases the chances of having issues with weight.
The problems with obesity is
related to not only physical activity of a person but Change the verb form
are
also
to emotional condition, that
can be improved in the school with Correct pronoun usage
which
a
supportive Correct article usage
apply
surrounding
. Teachers and friends can be Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
an amazing role models
, and they can motivate the kids to do a Correct the article-noun agreement
an amazing role model
amazing role models
sport
. An outstanding example of an
impact of Correct article usage
the
supportive
community is the way Add an article
a supportive
children
are engaged in physical activity when it is a team sport
during physical education
classes. People at young
age Add an article
a young
are often tend
to enjoy the activities with their peers. Particularly, football, basketball, or swimming. Change the verb form
often tend
Moreover
, sport
competitions organized by schools are another stimulating factor for kids. With the help of fellows and supportive teachers, Change the noun form
sports
children
are unintentionally have
an active and healthy Change the verb form
unintentionally have
lifestyle
.
In conclusion, upon examining a
numerous advantages of physical Correct article usage
the
education
in schools, I am convinced that it helps to prevent obesity from young
age and to build Add an article
a young
a healthy habits
of having an active Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy habits
a healthy habit
lifestyle
. Generally, it inhibits the growing number of people with overweight.Submitted by IELTS nis
on
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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more connective phrases and words to link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and sticks to that main idea to avoid minor digressions.
task achievement
Incorporate a bit more detail in your specific examples to illustrate your points. Personal anecdotes, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify a few sentences to make your ideas more explicit and precise, which will improve comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Your essay responds appropriately to the task by discussing the impact of physical education on preventing obesity and providing supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and well-defined, effectively setting up and summarizing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported, making a strong case for the inclusion of physical education in schools.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.