Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones Why is the case? Do you think this is postive or negative developent?
In the present day,
smartphones
are used by children
every single day. The reasons behind this
situation, along with
both benefits and drawbacks will be discussed before the conclusion is reached.
To begin
with, there are several reasons for the increasing
Replace the word
increase
of
mobile Change preposition
in
using
in Replace the word
use
children
. Entertainment media accessing
via mobile is the main key factor. Nowadays, Replace the word
access
high quality
video games can Add a hyphen
high-quality
play
Wrong verb form
be played
in
Change preposition
on
smartphone
, becoming popular among Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
children
. Additionally
, Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have many varieties of interesting information from today
world and provide Change noun form
today's
connection
across Fix the agreement mistake
connections
the
countries, drawing Correct article usage
apply
attention
of young people from real-world.
Add an article
the attention
However
, spending long hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
for
Change preposition
on
smartphones
shows some negative impacts. In very young children
, especially Correct pronoun usage
those young
young
than Correct word choice
younger
two-year-old
, allowing them to play Correct your spelling
two years old
Change preposition
with smartphone
smartphone
can delay development. Many studies provide valuable data that toddlers Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
those
playing with Correct pronoun usage
apply
smartphones
or tablets have significant
slower intellectual development and attention deficit. Mobile addiction is another major concern, attracting kids away from their school Change the word
significantly
lesson
.
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
According to
the positive side, Change preposition
On
smartphones
provide wide
range of learning information from Add an article
a wide
mathematic
to artistic lessons that have Replace the word
mathematics
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
feature
and Fix the agreement mistake
features
sound
which is more interesting than traditional books, making Fix the agreement mistake
sounds
it
a great tool for parents and teachers. Correct pronoun usage
them
Moreover
, its function can be helpful when facing an emergency situation, by using a phone to call their parent or teacher.
In conclusion, smartphone has many enjoyable features including video games and online social media platforms. Even there are some negative consequences such
as delay
development and addiction. I firmly believe that Its benefits are more vital and far outweigh Replace the word
delayed
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
with
becoming an essential learning tool and being useful in emergency Change preposition
apply
condition
.Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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task response
While the essay addresses the task and presents a clear position, it would benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. Elaborating on either real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Additionally, make sure to proofread for minor errors in grammar and vocabulary to improve overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
task response
The writer addresses both the positive and negative aspects of children using smartphones, demonstrating a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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