Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree?
According to
some, the system where the students
study all subjects
at school has numerous advantages while
others are convinced in
the benefits of focusing on Change preposition
of
a specific
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specific subject
specific subjects
subjects
only. Although
,
there Remove the comma
apply
are
undoubtedly useful information in all Change the verb form
is
subjects
, I firmly believe that education should appreciate the choice of the students
, since it will increase the performance of the students
and the chance to focus on their future careers.
Concentrating on the subjects
that students
choose themselves can influence their academic performance and overall
engagement, increasing the
Change the word
their
interest
towards a specific field. In other words
, it will increase the success of the students
. When a
teenagers are given an opportunity to choose the classes, obviously, they prefer the ones they are best at or they are most interested in. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Accordingly
, exploring the fields, that individual
wants, often increases a motivation to study. Concentrating on all Correct article usage
an individual
subjects
, conversely
, leads to the deterioration of the grades, which can cause a
significant stress.
The Remove the article
apply
interest
in a specific
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specific subject
specific subjects
subjects
is usually linked to professional
Add an article
the professional
interest
of young people. Indeed, they take courses that are relevant to their desirable
career. It means that the information teenagers absorb during the classes is necessary for their future professional development. Replace the word
desired
For example
, a person who wants to pursue a career in IT does not need profound knowledge
in biology or need only superficially knowledge
. For
this
reason, he or she won’t be interested in learning the detailed photosynthesis process happening in plants. Focusing on various subjects
not only forces young people to study processes unrelated to their field of interest
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
takes a tremendous time, which otherwise
could be spent to learn relevant topics.
In conclusion, education
system focusing on different areas can reduce the quality of Correct article usage
an education
knowledge
and interest
, but specific area concentration benefits students
in a numerous way: it ameliorates their academic success and gives fundamental knowledge
related to future career
. I am convinced that teenagers should take only interesting and impactful classes at school.Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Submitted by IELTS nis
on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the clarity of the essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly ties to the main topic of the essay. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to demonstrate a more holistic understanding of the topic. Acknowledging and responding to opposing views can show depth in your analysis.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument before taking a stance, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points, giving your essay a strong structure.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.