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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The flow chart below shows the three stages of glass bottle recycling

The flow chart below shows the three stages of glass bottle recycling
The diagram illustrates the
overall
Linking Words
 steps of recycling
glass
Use synonyms
bottles
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, There are three
stages
Use synonyms
, showing the process of
glass
Use synonyms
 bottle recycling, beginning with gathering the wasted
glass
Use synonyms
bottles
Use synonyms
 from many areas,
ending
Correct word choice
and ending
show examples
 with delivering these
bottles
Use synonyms
 to supermarkets. In the first
stages
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large number of used
glass
Use synonyms
bottles
Use synonyms
 is collected to a main point,
after
Correct word choice
and after
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that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 It is transported by van to recycle. Next steps, these
bottles
Use synonyms
 are placed in
high - pressure
Correct your spelling
high-pressure
show examples
 water in three different
stages
Use synonyms
, including clear, green and brown. And these are added to
glass
Use synonyms
 factories to treat.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 next stage two, in the
glass
Use synonyms
 factory, these
bottles
Use synonyms
 are treated to small pieces of
glass
Use synonyms
. After, It is heated in a furnace with a temperature from 600c-800c. From that, It includes two parts of
glass
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as recycled liquid and new liquid which is shaped
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a
glass
Use synonyms
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
stages
Fix the agreement mistake
stage
show examples
 three,
bottles
Use synonyms
 are shaped comprehensively
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are delivered to grocery or
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
 to
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
 for sale to customers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words glass, bottles, stages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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