IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #men #women #work #time #people #household #e #g #children
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It is becoming generally common for both
men
 and
women
 are
require
Change the form of the verb
required
show examples
 to have full-time work in many countries.
Therefore
, in
this
 essay, I strongly agree with those who believe that
men
 and
women
 should share balanced
household
 chores. One major
arguments
Change to a singular noun
argument
show examples
 that need to
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
 is
, commonly
Correct word choice
that, commonly
show examples
women
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 wider and tougher chores than
men
.
Households
Change the noun form
Household
show examples
 tasks
such
 as cleaning, cooking, and looking after
children
 which
generally
Add a missing verb
are generally
show examples
 done by
women
, should
be equally share
Change the verb form
be equally shared
show examples
 with their
husband
Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
show examples
. As
women
 have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 responsibilities at home, they may
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
 stress than before and it will ensure both of them
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
achieve work-life balance.
Moreover
, by involving
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 to spend more time with their
children
, it will
thighten
Correct your spelling
tighten
 their bond, so the
children
 may have the same affection portions from parents which will
positively
Add a missing verb
be positively
show examples
 integral to their growth and development.
Secondly
, since both
women
 and
men
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 the same portions in sharing
household
 tasks, they can improve their communication skills and understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other.
This
 will actually
useful
Add a missing verb
be useful
show examples
 when one of them is occupied with their work duties, they can
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
 the chores easily because they
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 used to it.
Furthermore
, by sharing the
household
 equally, they can have more leisure time
together with
 the family and provide a positive habit to their
children
, as
children
 are great
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 imitating their parent's behaviour. In conclusion, since these days
men
 and
women
 need to work full time, it is a wiser decision for them to share their
household
 tasks equally in the same portions as they can find balance in work-life and house life and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 more empathy toward each other.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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grammar
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'are require to have' should be 'are required to', 'arguments that need to consider' should be 'arguments to be considered', 'should be equally share' should be 'should be equally shared', etc.). Working on these can help make your essay clearer and more professional.
content
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention real-life scenarios or studies that support the benefits of sharing household tasks equally.
structure
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Sometimes, sentences seem disjointed or thoughts are not fully developed before moving on to the next point. Use transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your points more smoothly.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
content
You have some strong ideas and insights, especially regarding the benefits of achieving a work-life balance and fostering better family bonds.
clarity
Your argument for the equal distribution of household chores is compelling and well-expressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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