IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights.What problems does this have on the environment?What measures could be taken to solve the problems?

#tourism #people #demand #flights #environment #measures
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In the past few years, after the pandemic especially, a lot of people chose to spend their free time sightseeing places they always dreamed of.The most popular and efficient way of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 is still by
planes
Fix the agreement mistake
plane
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,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of that
aviation
 sector has increased
in
Change preposition
by
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 over 4.3% a year.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it is not
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 sustainable and eco-friendly.In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 essay I will discuss all the problems that came from
this
 growing demand for more flights. There is no question that higher demand for more flights makes bigger
aviation
 companies increase their
planes
Change the noun form
plane
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 numbers.For us as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a consumer
consumers
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consumers
Add a comma
consumers,
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 it means lower prices for tickets,
more
Correct word choice
and more
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 available times to fly.But the
true
Replace the word
truth
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 is that more
planes
 produce more CO2, which all evidence
show
Change the form of the verb
shows
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, increases pollution.Facts show that
aviation
 accounts for about 2-3% of global CO2 commission and for us what
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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seems like a regular hop on a plane, is actually killing our planet
fastly
Rephrase
fast
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.CO2 emissions from
aviation
 fuel are 3.15 grams per gram of fuel, which gives CO2 emissions from a Boeing 737
-
Change preposition
apply
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400
of
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apply
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115 g per passenger per km.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is not to say that people shouldn’t travel,but if we do, we should look into flying with
planes
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 use sustainable
aviation
 fuels (SAF) or airlines,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 joined
carbon
Correct article usage
the carbon
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 offset program.They allow passengers to compensate for CO2 emissions from their flights.
Although
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 by plane will probably remain the most popular way of long-distance
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,we should rethink
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the necessity of the trip.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 flying
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
day trip is not only unbeneficial for you, but for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 too and I would choose to travel by plane
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 times
in
Change preposition
apply
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a year, but for a longer period of time.
Submitted by oimigle on

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grammar
Ensure to proofread your work to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
detail
Expand on how sustainable aviation fuels (SAF) and carbon offset programs work to strengthen your argument.
conclusion
Develop your conclusion to summarize the main points and provide a strong closing statement.
content
You effectively identified and explained the environmental problems caused by increased flights.
content
You offered potential solutions such as using sustainable aviation fuels and participating in carbon offset programs.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and a logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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