IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights.What problems does this have on the environment?What measures could be taken to solve the problems?

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In the past few years, after the pandemic especially, a lot of people chose to spend their free time sightseeing places they always dreamed of.The most popular and efficient way of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 is still by
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

planes
Fix the agreement mistake
plane

It seems that planes may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,
because
Correct word choice
and because

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 of that
aviation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 sector has increased
in
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 over 4.3% a year.
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

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 it is not
most
Correct article usage
the most

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 sustainable and eco-friendly.In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's

It appears that the word todays should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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 essay I will discuss all the problems that came from
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 growing demand for more flights. There is no question that higher demand for more flights makes bigger
aviation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 companies increase their
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

planes
Change the noun form
plane

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of planes. Consider changing it to singular.

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 numbers.For us as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a consumer
consumers

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun consumers in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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consumers
Add a comma
consumers,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For us as a consumers. Consider adding a comma.

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 it means lower prices for tickets,
more
Correct word choice
and more

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 available times to fly.But the
true
Replace the word
truth

The word true doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 is that more
planes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 produce more CO2, which all evidence
show
Change the form of the verb
shows

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb show. Consider changing it.

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, increases pollution.Facts show that
aviation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 accounts for about 2-3% of global CO2 commission and for us what
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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seems like a regular hop on a plane, is actually killing our planet
fastly
Rephrase
fast

There may be an adverb issue here.

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.CO2 emissions from
aviation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 fuel are 3.15 grams per gram of fuel, which gives CO2 emissions from a Boeing 737
-
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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400
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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115 g per passenger per km.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 is not to say that people shouldn’t travel,but if we do, we should look into flying with
planes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 use sustainable
aviation
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 fuels (SAF) or airlines,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 joined
carbon
Correct article usage
the carbon

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 offset program.They allow passengers to compensate for CO2 emissions from their flights.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 by plane will probably remain the most popular way of long-distance
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling

The spelling of traveling is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
,we should rethink
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the necessity of the trip.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In my opinion. Consider adding a comma.

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 flying
for
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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day trip is not only unbeneficial for you, but for
environment
Add an article
the environment

The noun phrase environment seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 too and I would choose to travel by plane
less
Change the quantifier
fewer

It appears that the quantifier less does not fit with the countable noun times. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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 times
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a year, but for a longer period of time.

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grammar
Ensure to proofread your work to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
detail
Expand on how sustainable aviation fuels (SAF) and carbon offset programs work to strengthen your argument.
conclusion
Develop your conclusion to summarize the main points and provide a strong closing statement.
content
You effectively identified and explained the environmental problems caused by increased flights.
content
You offered potential solutions such as using sustainable aviation fuels and participating in carbon offset programs.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and a logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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