The growing number of overweight is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.some people think that the best way to deal with this issue is that introduce more physical activities in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Many companies solely depend on interviews for the hiring of new staff.
While
few people believe that there are many other ways of choosing the employee for the company. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
stance because employees should
also
be hired on the basis of academic background and experience in that
associate
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
particular field. To
begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
show examples
with , There are enormous ways of selecting an employee but academic value and professional skill are considered to be on top priority. It means that the person with high
grades
in modules or
overall
degree has the utmost importance.
Moreover
, individual with years of professional experience needs to be included in
selection
Correct article usage
the selection
show examples
criteria.
Otherwise
, beginners would be heavily impacted
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
the growth of
business
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
.
For example
, In the banking sector, beginners from top-rank universities having good
grades
are to be preferred in Pakistan.
Furthermore
, Pakistan
software house
Correct your spelling
Software House
show examples
considered only those applicants
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have experience of more than three years in their required skills rather than any degree with good
grades
. They only focus on competing with other big firms in terms of their capability and potential to generate revenue.
Hence
, the above representation proves the value of good
grades
and professional skills.
On the contrary
side, interviews
also
play a crucial role in the selection of an individual. their main preference is to evaluate the personality of the candidate. To elaborate
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
, the personality of the human is somehow important in various parts.
For example
, marketing agencies preferred to select the individual on interview. They have to assess the
overall
personality like physical appearance, communication skills, and politeness of the employee.In marketing work physical appearance matters a lot,
hence
,
this
is
also
a good way of hiring a person but it limits it to some extent .
To conclude
, the Hiring process is not only concise to interview.
However
, academic background and skill
also
play a crucial role in some aspects. They solely depend on the requirements of the companies which vary from sector to sector.
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well and covers the key points. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved for better readability. For instance, 'To begins with' should be 'To begin with' and 'associate particular field' should be 'particular field.'
coherence cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between your paragraphs and ideas. Some sentences feel abrupt and disconnected. Using linking words like 'Additionally,' 'However,' or 'Moreover,' can help in creating a more seamless flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively argues why academic background and experience are important, and it provides relevant examples in support of the points made.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly present the main argument of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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