There are some people who believe that family members are very important in our life while other says that friends are more important .Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Some
people
believe that the people
we carry the same blood has
the greatest importance in our life as they Correct subject-verb agreement
have
will not leave us no
matter and always Rewrite the sentence
will not leave us any
will leave us no
support
us what while
other
do not Fix the agreement mistake
others
support
this
and says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
friends
are more important since we can share things that we cannot with family and spend more fun time
together.
On the one hand
Add a comma
hand,
people
who claim family members are very important states that they will not leave and help us to continue in every stage of our life. Parents and siblings are the ones
we grow up and old together, they are with us in every step we take and always there supporting whenever
it Correct pronoun usage
us whenever
seem
to be over for us. Change the verb form
seems
Moreover
, it is not a choice for family
to leave a member behind when they see their mistake, Add an article
a family
the family
on the contrary
, they are the ones
who forgive all the time
which makes them more loyal than friends
.
On the other hand
, some believe friends
are more important justifying it with the claim that a person spends best
Change the article
the best
time
with the ones
they choose to be a family, and can share the deepest secrets
. They think parents are not the people
to tell secrets
and share everything because they will judge or even punish. In addition
, siblings not
always go along and Add a missing verb
do not
parent
are not the Fix the agreement mistake
parents
ones
to spend time
doing young people
activities.
Change noun form
people's
Finally
, some back up that family members have the greatest role in our life because of their loyality
and Correct your spelling
loyalty
support
; however
, others believe friends
are the most important ones
as they are best in
making good memories and keeping Change preposition
at
secrets
. Personally, I support
the statement that family members are very important because I know my parents will support
me always, my brother will always keep my secrets
and little
sister is the best to spend fun Correct pronoun usage
my little
time
together.Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific and detailed examples for both family and friends' importance. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to refine the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly. For instance, using words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'on the contrary' can help clarify the relationship between points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve the overall readability of your essay. For example, "will not leave us no matter" should be "will not leave us, no matter what."
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a good understanding of the topic and helps in achieving the task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clear, which provides a good structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, making the argument easier to follow and understand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.