IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There are some people who believe that family members are very important in our life while other says that friends are more important .Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
people
Use synonyms
 we carry the same blood
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the greatest importance in our life as they
will not leave us no
Rewrite the sentence
will not leave us any
will leave us no
show examples
 matter and always
support
Use synonyms
 us what
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 do not
support
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 and
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
 are more important since we can share things that we cannot with family and spend more fun
time
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 together. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who claim family members are very important states that they will not leave and help us to continue in every stage of our life. Parents and siblings are the
ones
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 we grow up and old together, they are with us in every step we take and always there supporting
whenever
Correct pronoun usage
us whenever
show examples
 it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to be over for us.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is not a choice for
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
 to leave a member behind when they see their mistake,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, they are the
ones
Use synonyms
 who forgive all the
time
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 which makes them more loyal than
friends
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe
friends
Use synonyms
 are more important justifying it with the claim that a person spends
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with the
ones
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 they choose to be a family, and can share the deepest
secrets
Use synonyms
. They think parents are not the
people
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 to tell
secrets
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 and share everything because they will judge or even punish.
In addition
Linking Words
, siblings
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 always go along and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 are not the
ones
Use synonyms
 to spend
time
Use synonyms
 doing young
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 activities.
Finally
Linking Words
, some back up that family members have the greatest role in our life because of their
loyality
Correct your spelling
loyalty
 and
support
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, others believe
friends
Use synonyms
 are the most important
ones
Use synonyms
 as they are best
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 making good memories and keeping
secrets
Use synonyms
. Personally, I
support
Use synonyms
 the statement that family members are very important because I know my parents will
support
Use synonyms
 me always, my brother will always keep my
secrets
Use synonyms
 and
little
Correct pronoun usage
my little
show examples
 sister is the best to spend fun
time
Use synonyms
 together.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more specific and detailed examples for both family and friends' importance. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to refine the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly. For instance, using words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'on the contrary' can help clarify the relationship between points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve the overall readability of your essay. For example, "will not leave us no matter" should be "will not leave us, no matter what."
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a good understanding of the topic and helps in achieving the task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clear, which provides a good structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, making the argument easier to follow and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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