IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well managed. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world?

#places #world #tourism #source #income
The advantage of a
country
 that has a
lot
 of
tourists
 is that they have more income. Why do
tourists
 come to some countries?
Because when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
tourists
 come to their
country
 they spend their money on accommodations, souvenirs, food, transportation, and other tourist activities. and have a good effect on the economy of the
country
 itself. An example of the advantage of
tourism
 for a
country
.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
 Bali is an island in Indonesia that has a
lot
 of
tourists
 from other countries. A
lot
 of
tourists
 use
grab
Capitalize word
Grab
show examples
 or
gojek
Change the capitalization
Gojek
show examples
 for their transportation and
tourism
 can be a primary economic reason for the driver to have an income. The disadvantages of a
country
 that has a
lot
 of
tourists
? One significant issue is environmental degradation. The influx of
tourists
 often leads to the overuse of natural resources, pollution, and damage to the ecosystems. popular destinations may suffer from the destruction of habitats, increased waste, strain
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 water supplies, and energy supplies. Overcrowding can result in the erosion of landmarks and landscapes, potentially diminishing the very attractions that draw visitors. Another disadvantage is cultural erosion. As
tourism
 becomes a major industry, local culture may be commercialized or altered to cater to tourist expectations, leading to a loss of authenticity.
This
 can result in the dilution of traditional customs, practices, and language as communities prioritize tourist preference over their own cultural heritage. In conclusion, the advantage of
tourism
 in the
country
 is that a
lot
 of local people have a job when they need it. and the
country
 has a better economy.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and body structure. Begin with an introductory paragraph that outlines the key points you will discuss.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. For instance, expand on how tourism improves the economy beyond just providing jobs. Mention aspects such as infrastructure development, foreign investment, etc.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and linking phrases to improve flow and make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.
task achievement
The example of Bali effectively illustrates the economic benefits of tourism.
task achievement
The essay adequately covers important aspects such as environmental degradation and cultural erosion as disadvantages of tourism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: