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Band 5

It is impossible to help all the people in the world who need help, so governments should help people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #world #governments #countries
The question around globalization and the following consequences of it has remained one of the most vital since
the
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apply
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ancient times. People all over the world still arguing if the leading forces of the countries should focus on providing
required
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the required
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 assistance only to their own nation or humanity
overall
. Personally, I strongly believe that governments across the globe should collaborate on joint issues which can potentially influence everyone.
To begin
 with, the Earth still have a mass of problems that are still unsolved. Terrorism, environmental crisis, lack of quality water, famine – these are just the most common examples of our shared issues which potentially can be worked out.
Moreover
, partially all dots on
this
 list are equally applicable to every state on the globe. And since they cannot be solved one-handed even by the most significant countries, all of Earth’s leaders should work together to reach mutual benefit.
For instance
, we as a mankind
has
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have
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 already overcome the Covid-19 virus by imposing general restrictive measures and collaborating on vaccine creation. In my opinion,
this
 way any problem will become insignificant to our society. What is more, helping other nations and their people may have the greatest impact on the international relations of the country providing the aid. As an example,
Chinese
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the Chinese
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 government has been assisting a lot of African lands with extra humanitarian aid and by lending it money. One of the reasons behind
this
 action is hidden in their desire to have a greater influence in
United
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the United
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 Nations (UN) by using these countries’ veto powers or votes.
This
 symbiosis
benefit
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benefits
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 both sides. Altogether,
the
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humanity is much stronger together rather than in
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a separated
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separated
Replace the word
separate
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 state. By assisting other nations governments will receive
required
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the required
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 help in a time of need.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your main argument. While your introduction sets the context, the main point—that governments should help globally—could be clearer.
task achievement
Work on developing some of the ideas more comprehensively. Each point could be expanded with more specific, detailed examples and a deeper exploration of consequences or counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs with clear linking words or transition sentences. This will enhance the reader's ability to follow your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Review sentence structures for complexity and variety. Some sentences are elongated and could benefit from being split or rephrased for better clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a valid argument with clear reasoning for global collaboration, and it addresses the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a reasonably strong conclusion, effectively book-ending your argument.
task achievement
You include relevant examples to support your argument, particularly the example of collaboration during the Covid-19 pandemic and Chinese aid to African nations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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