IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree

#people #prices #product #cell #phone #service #eg #treatment
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In
this
 day and age,
people
 have different views on how they should think about expenditure.
While
 there are some good arguments
of
Change preposition
for
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 the view that
product
 or service
prices
 are not the most important thing when buying. I personally disagree with
this
 notion. On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why individuals believe
prices
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not the most vital thing when buying. The first reason is that the world has witnessed a significant increase in the past few years, which makes
prices
 become inevitable for trading goods. With
this
 being said, paying to experience the advancement is considered to be a normal action.
Secondly
, pricing products depends on their luxuries and function,
thus
 it depends on the human need to consider it important or not.
For instance
, an Apple
product
 is considered to have similar functions to cheaper brands,
nevertheless
, it would depend on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 need.
On the other hand
, apart from the expressed above, I maintain that
prices
 are the biggest factor when comes to buying products or services.
Firstly
, individuals nowadays come from different classes and there are some products they are not capable of buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, in Vietnam, families always want their children to have the best education,
however
, some families can hardly pay the school fees and have to let their offspring study at a lower one. Another reason is that
people
 believe spending too much on one
product
 can harm their financial state, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consideration in terms of price before owning it.
This
 allows individuals to review their finances and decide if the
product
 is important or not. In conclusion,
while
 there are certain reasons why
people
 argue
product
 or service
prices
 are not important compared to individual needs, it seems to me that considering price can help
people
 decide what is best for them.
Submitted by lahuyquan123 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that your arguments are more logically constructed, and avoid repetitive ideas. Try to create smoother transitions between your points for better flow.
task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of the topic but lacks depth in the analysis. Make sure to expand on your points with clearer and more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your arguments, as this will strengthen your overall task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework and addressing the topic effectively.
task achievement
Your essay consistently addresses the prompt and maintains a clear standpoint throughout, demonstrating a good grasp of the task.
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