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Band 3

The diagrams below are existing and proposed floor plans forthe redevelopment of an art gallery.

#diagrams #floor #plans #forthe #redevelopment #art #gallery
The graphics illustrate an art gallery in its current form,alongside its following development. We can see there are some changes in
this
 structure and
it is clear that
 significant changes are the use of floor
space
. There will be a new entrance and
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
space
 for
exhibition
Correct article usage
the exhibition
show examples
 . Starting with the existing configuration, the entrance was on the east side of the gallery and visitors
can
Verb problem
could go
show examples
 through doors into
lobby
Add an article
the lobby
show examples
.
However
, the
further
 plan is to move the entrance in front of the Parkinson Court
and
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 people can directly into the
exhibition
space
.
While
 the place of lobby and office will be
instead
 of
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 area. Turning to the permanent
exhibition
space
, in the plans,
this
 will be about twice as large as now.
And two
Correct word choice
Two
show examples
 temporary
exhibition
 spaces will be created in the west of the building, the part
that is
 not shown will be removed to make way for it.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Try to offer more details to improve your task achievement. Specify what parts of the building are currently present and what specific changes will happen in the redevelopment.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by making use of more cohesive devices, like 'furthermore', and 'in addition'. This will help link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at describing the diagrams and mentioning key changes. Your overall structure is clear with an introduction and body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You used clear subheadings such as 'Starting with the existing configuration' and 'Turning to the permanent exhibition space' which contribute to a good structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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