IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that the education system should focus on teaching students practical skills that are needed for employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #system #focus #students #skills #employment
Esucation
Correct your spelling
Education
 system is a helpful method for students to learn how to become
profisionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
professional
 employees ,
however
 i agree with that but
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
life
 teaches you more. to be specific , teaching is a way to learn more knowledge about math ,
scince
Correct your spelling
science
 and
geograpic
Correct your spelling
geographic
, match teaches you how to solve problems and Questions if you compare it to
life
 work that will
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 you how to solve any issue you face in your work , but it
dosent
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 teach you to solve issues in your own
life
 . 
However
, when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 stated that
life
 teaches you more because
Life
where
Add a missing verb
is where
show examples
 you can face
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 kinds of problems
such
 as health , love ,
family
Correct word choice
and family
show examples
 issues
this
 will
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 it from your daily
life
 m when you see people how do they
intiract
Correct your spelling
interact
 or how do they solve it from diffrent way of methods.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
, Both
life
 and
edusction teahes
Correct your spelling
education teach
 you
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 things and
Add an article
the way
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 how to become a
critical thinking
Add a hyphen
critical-thinking
show examples
 employee and
acheave
Correct your spelling
achieve
 high positions.
Submitted by reemo.r.s on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, ensure 'education', 'professional', 'other hand', 'believe', 'geography', 'science', 'it doesn't', 'different', 'interact', and 'in conclusion' are spelled correctly.
content
Develop your main points more fully. Provide specific examples to support your arguments more concretely. This will help strengthen the task response and main points.
structure
Work on structuring your essay better. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect different parts of your essay.
structure
Include a clearer introduction and conclusion. Introduce your main argument in the introduction and summarize the key points discussed in the essay in the conclusion.
content
You attempt to cover both sides of the argument, which shows an effort to provide a balanced response.
content
Your essay does touch on important aspects of both education and life experiences in shaping an individual's professional skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: