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Band 5

•In some countries, school violence is becoming too common. What are some possible causes of this trend and solutions to it?

#•in #countries #school #violence #trend
It is widely acknowledged that the issue of
school
violence
 is too general in contemporary nations and is growing at a startling rate. The problem is bringing a state of depression among the multitudes and in education.
This
 paragraph will represent the possible grounds
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 problem, and potential remedies are
also
 to be discussed and are listed below. In regards, there are several causes of
this
 matter. One of the main consequences that can be characterized
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 family carrying of
children
. Nowadays, parents are too busy with their professional lives and unable to give quality time to
children
.
As a result
,
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
guardiancy
Correct your spelling
guardian
guardians
 makes them arrogant and mentally depressed, which may create an arrogant tendency to
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
harassment of
Wrong verb form
harass
show examples
 others.
Furthermore
, a lack of a
school
 disciplinary code of conduct may lead to
school
violence
. If
school
 authorities do not have
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 or strictly do not monitor rules against child abuse, ragging, bullying, etc.,
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are subjected to getting a chance of
violence
 by students or even
school
 staff. Seeing the matter with a brighter mind, many solutions can be helpful to curb
this
 menace. One potential solution is for the guidance to ensure properly taking care of their
children
.
For instance
, parents should play with
children
,
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 information about their friends,
checking
Wrong verb form
check
show examples
school
 attendance or results reports,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
teach them about social
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
scale
Wrong verb form
scaling
show examples
 up positive attitudes, religious matters, and so on.
Moreover
, the government should set up strict rules and regulations against
violence
, and
accordingly
 monitor
violence
 to protect them.
Furthermore
, authorities can motivate students and staff
by
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through
show examples
 gaming competitions
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, cultural activities, arranging picnics, and so on.
To conclude
, solving a global issue is not easy, but with the joint efforts of humanity, control can be taken over the issue with the aforementioned suggested measures, specifically carrying motivation, with integrated laws. I believe that everyone should come forward to mitigate
this
 case.
Submitted by masud on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, with logical connections between ideas, but sometimes the flow could be improved for better coherence.
task achievement
While you addressed the task and touched on causes and solutions, more detailed examples and explanations would improve the depth of your response.
language
Using more specific and varied vocabulary will further enhance your essay's clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both causes and solutions of school violence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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