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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work #outweigh
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In recent years, an increasing number of people have migrated from their hometowns to bigger
cities
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for seeking
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to seek
show examples
employments
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employment
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. Some people agree with
this
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 action,
however
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, others may not
on
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be on
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 the same wavelength. From my perspective, I would contend that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits of moving away from these employees’ intimate folks and
friends
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. Moving to more prosperous
cities
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 is a reasonable way to earn more money. In general, the same professions
of
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in
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 the capital
cities
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 are always paid more than the remote areas, even though in the same nation. To illustrate, in Taiwan, there are a large
amount
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number
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 of individuals moving away from rural
cities
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 to the
capitals
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capital
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,
such
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 as Taipei.
Due to
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 the competitive
labor
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labour
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 markets in Taipei, there are many opportunities to be employed.
In addition
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, payments of each working hierarchy are
also
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 higher than those
remote
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in remote
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 places.
Nevertheless
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, because of the greater
jobs’
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job’
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 payments, the commodity prices of capital
cities
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 always excel
those
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over those
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 of rural areas.
That is
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 to say, costly alimony is necessary to live in major
cities
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.
However
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, those who hold different opinions might argue that without being accompanied by families and
friends
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, those who dwell in distinct places, may feel lonely and sentimental, or even worse, may gain
healthy
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health
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 problems.
For instance
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, Dreaming of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high-payment
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high-paying
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 employment, many individuals leave their hometowns to a rather prosperous city, Taipei.
However
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,
due to
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 the absence of their intimate folks and
friends
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, they might have no approach to release their sense of missing.
Therefore
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,
accumulated-emotion
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accumulated emotion
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 may cause some psychological diseases, which lead them to
unhealthy
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an unhealthy
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 life. Nothing can be compared with close relationships. In conclusion, I would maintain that the deficiencies outweigh the benefits of moving away from families and
friends
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 for employment. Because folks and
friends
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 are important
maintain
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to maintain
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healthy
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a healthy
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 and joyful life,
although
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 some people may not see eye in eye with me on
this
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 matter.
Submitted by chaing12340627 on

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task response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides arguments for both advantages and disadvantages, but it would benefit from more detailed and relevant examples to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. This would help maintain the flow and ensure better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Some areas of the essay have unclear expressions and grammatical errors. Improving sentence structure and grammatical accuracy would enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help provide a sense of completeness to the response.
task response
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of moving for work, and provided a clear personal opinion, which is crucial for task achievement.
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