IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement include some examples.

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In
this
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 modern era, a significant portion of companies provide a wide range of facilities to their
employees
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. Since humans are sociable creatures, most of us do seek human connection with whom we can correlate.
According to
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 the data, in
such
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 vast organizations,
employees
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 find it very hard to maintain their work-life
balance
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 goals.
However
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, companies host
sports
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competitions
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, and events, and form communities to help their
employees
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 to maintain work-life
balance
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. Through most of the community and groups,
employees
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 can connect with like-minded people.
Furthermore
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,
sports
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competitions
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 keep humans fit and healthy if done every day. For work-life
balance
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, the best alternative is
sports
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.
Moreover
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, people have their own passion in their life. People join these types of communities to keep their passion alive for longer periods of duration.
For example
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, companies
such
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 as HCL, Delloite, and McKinsey host
competitions
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 once a year for their
employees
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. These kinds of
competitions
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 help
employees
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 to
balance
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 their personal and professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Through various communities, facility
employees
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 communicate with each other in various ways. In conclusion, organizing a local tournament or a
sports
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 tournament is more exciting, fun, and fulfilling. Most of these help them to connect, create, and foster a better future with other
employees
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.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction briefly touches on the topic but does not clearly state the writer's position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement. Make sure to clearly state your stance in your introduction.
logical structure
The essay needs a more logical structure. There is an attempt to present ideas coherently, but the flow can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
supported main points
While some main points are made, they are not always well-supported. More examples or explanations are needed to strengthen the argument.
complete response
Addressing the prompt requires a more specific response to whether large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community, not just their employees. Clarify this throughout your essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant examples of companies like HCL, Deloitte, and McKinsey hosting competitions for their employees.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion provides a summary and positive note on the benefits of organizing tournaments and community activities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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