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Band 4

Some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job. However, others believe skills and experience are more important. Discuss bot sides and give your opinion.

#people #university #job #skills #bot
The data below compares information about
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
members
 for different activities at a social centre in
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 city
Melbourne
Change preposition
of Melbourne
show examples
 from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the highest number of
members
 was in the film club and the least was in musical performances. Film club, in 2000 there were 64 participants, and
this
 figure remained almost unchanged in these 20 years. In martial arts,
members
 were the same, at about 35 in both 2000 and 2020. From 2000 to 2010, there were no huge changes in table tennis, but from 2010 and 2020,
this
 figure increased to more than twice. In amateur dramatics, there were about 26 participants in 2000 and 2005, and
this
 figure decreased gradually to about 5 in 15 years. And the
last
 one, musical performances, 2005 there were no
members
;
however
, in 2010, participants started to join the club, and in 2020 it contained almost 20 people.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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Grammar
Ensure consistency in using tenses to maintain clarity in the narrative. For example, 'participants started to join the club' could be 'participants joined the club.'
Structure
Include a brief introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion. This can enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
Detail
Provide more comparative data to paint a clearer picture. For example, 'From 2010 to 2020, the number of members in table tennis increased to more than twice' could be specified with exact numbers.
Overview
You have accurately highlighted the overall trend and given a clear overview in your second sentence.
Task response
The essay covers each activity mentioned in the data set, showcasing a thorough understanding of task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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